I hear my voice and its been here silent all these years. I’ve been here, silent all these years. - Tori Amos
It’s been a year since I took my writing out of its virtual closet and started a blog. Sometimes, it feels like 15. Strange that the traditional gifts for a first anniversary are clocks and watches, especially since I consider time to be my biggest enemy.
In reality, it’s been a short ride, but it feels much longer for the bumpy side trips.
I started off this project writing about Anna Nicole Smith & Howard K. Stern. I still scratch my head over my involvement in that whole mess, not only because the subject matter would normally be a turn-off for me, but because — good God — so many of the people that were interested in that subject were just beyond strange.
One accused me of exerting mind-control over her by my “hypnotic” way of writing and threatened to call the FBI on me. That was just the tip of a slushy iceberg from which everything from threats of lawsuits to investigations into my personal life fell.
I no sooner deleted all those stories — hoping the “fans” would move on — when I received a letter from one of the sane among them, asking if I would write about her sister’s murder. I was then drawn into a tragic and brutal story, made all the worse for the lack of interest, care, and closure.
I threw 110% of myself into the victim’s life story, only to become public enemy #1 of the small-town sheriffs in charge of the lackluster investigation, who seemed to do their damnedest to not catch a criminal. Not only didn’t they show an up-to-date picture of the victim to the public, they didn’t show pictures of the people of interest, or use pictures and timelines to engage the public’s help, or find possible eyewitnesses. The lack of urgency and thoroughness was outrageous, especially considering the brutality of the murder.
Yet, not only did the small-town sheriffs reject any criticism, they demanded the sister end her association with me. And she did — with a swift kick, and a letter that sounded nothing like the person whom I’d gotten to know for two months. Later, the grapevine news was about more lawsuits — even a possible arrest for “witness tampering” since I interviewed one of the persons of interest.
Seriously, at this point I considered just giving up. With a few bright exceptions, the people I was meeting through this site were not the kind of people I’d want to have contact with in “real life”. They were people who enjoyed high-drama, personal attacks, threats, and other dark internet arts, including “outing” whatever personal information they could find on their make-believe enemies.
Oh joy. (Not so much).
It was a relief to write about other subjects close to my heart, and I appreciated the few rational people who stuck around for that. I didn’t care that there were fewer people here — I liked it. It felt freeing to be released, finally, from the desperate, drama-driven clutches of the last of the Anna Nicole Smith crowd.
And then came Rosie. It was like a breath of fresh air and twelve rays of sun came swooping into my tiny blog when I wrote an article on Rosie O’Donnell. Like I said in the piece, I can’t lay any claim to being a huge fan of her television show since I rarely watch TV, but I had seen her, listened to her, read her work, and found a sort of kinship there, whether by generation, passion, or personal convictions.
I connected to her mostly through her writing, which some people find hard to read because of it’s stream-of-consciousness form, but that’s how I begin when I write something only for the love of writing. My heart connects more naturally to free-form verse than proper sentences when I’m trying to connect the dots between thoughts and emotions. I only “clean up” the form later, if it’s something I decide to share.
I think Rosie’s blog and her books contribute something to the world that her television appearances cannot, meaning there’s a depth to the words and messages that she controls the content of — and that isn’t dependent on ratings. I’m a writer, so maybe that’s my natural bent, but I can’t help but think that the world needs more truth-outings than pure entertainment. Not that entertainment isn’t valuable — even philosophers need to laugh and dance and feel something outside their realm — it’s just that the past decade has really cast long and dark shadows over the natural light of human truth.
Anyway, I have to say I liked Rosie’s fans way more than most of those who gathered for the ANS/HKS story. Out of more than 10,000 visits, I didn’t get one letter that threatened to sue me, call the FBI on me, stalk me, or that accused me of subliminal mind interference. It was a weird five minutes being inundated with all of Rosie’s “stranger-friends”, but beautiful. (By the way, Happy 46th Birthday, Rosie!)
I did get more threats from the ANS/HKS crowd, though. They were going to write Rosie, and tell her how crazy, terrible, and rotten I was. They even dug up an ex’s name from 27 years ago, vowing to get the “real scoop” on Jane Devin.
There is no big scoop. I breathe, I write, I deliver mail. I spend as much time as I can with the people I love, because life really is short. I carry on, and put one foot in front of the other until I’m past the obstacles. When the obstacles won’t go away, I strap them on my back and carry them like the elephant girl I am. I like to sing in the shower, I talk to my dog as if she’s human, and I can spend hours staring out of a window and daydreaming. I have a literary crush on John Irving and a real one on KR, who works at a bookstore and hardly knows I exist. I buy way more books than I should, and I always feel awkward and pretty much like an idiot when I do.
I am essentially a kind, (over)sensitive, and decent person, but I tend to be a hermit. People, like those who threaten others on the internet, can be nutty in a bad way. I prefer the good kind of nutty, like I find among my creative friends, who can even turn a strange visit to the doctor’s office into something funny. Unfortunately, because I am a hermit, who doesn’t like crowds, and who is rapidly developing into something of a peoplephobe — someone who is beginning to love the thought of humanity more than the reality — I don’t have near enough creative friends.
Maybe that’s a good thing. More time to write, right? Except that time is really working strangely now that I’m nine days away from my 46th birthday. Meaning it’s disappearing faster than Midwest farmland. I get home from work, and it’s 4:00. Barely a few seconds later, it’s midnight. My days off run on some crazy clock where every other hour seems to disappear.
There was a chapter in Valley of the Dolls where Neely said she just wanted to sleep for a year. I dream of the opposite. I would like to have a year where I don’t have to sleep at all. Where I can have an extra six hours a day without, of course, going insane.
I’d just like to have a year. To dream, to write, to think — without all the dull necessities of work and maintenance.
It seems somewhat cruel to me, our way of aging, and that most of us will have to wait until we’re late into our sixties before having such a year. I think we should be born old — small, frail, incontinent, and forgetful — and be loved and held and coddled because we are brand new to the world and were created in love. We should hit high school sometime in our sixties, where we’ll spend our weekends making out in cars and dancing. We’ll hit the job market after that, having our own kids in our fifties and enjoying family life until our thirties or so, after which we’ll retire with our sex drives at their peak, and all the energy, spunk, and ideals of youth. By the time we were close to the end, we’d be eight pound bundles of cuteness that everybody fights to hold and spoil, and then we’d just fade into zygotes, eventually returning to our vessels to start all over again.
That’s how it’d be if I created the world. The older we got, the more likely and able we’d be to ignore the passage of time — to jump on the swings and run wildly through life’s playground. We wouldn’t even learn how to tell time until the end was almost near, and as quickly as we learned, we’d promptly forget.
So, one year of blogging. And now an intense political interest that friends tell me I shouldn’t cater to, because literally thousand of others are writing about it, and there are better, more effective things I could be doing with my time. I’ve never been particularly good about following advice, but in this case they’re right. I am one of a million ants on Mt. Vesuvius. The eruptions will go on with or without me.
I don’t know what’s around the bend, either here on the blog, or with the novel I’m slowly writing in my spare minutes, but I have to say — I feel really weird when something I post (that isn’t advertised somewhere bigger) receives no comments, or only gets comments from my neighbor-friends. It’s not ego so much as wondering why. . .or wondering why I have a blog in the first place, since I can just as easily write to myself offline and spare my mind the little self-humiliation of seeing the dreaded “0 Comments”.
A blog is nothing without readers but an exercise in writing to one’s self. I do that all the time anyway, but online I’d rather have my efforts result in some sense of community and camaraderie. Without that, there’s no reason to blog — since the couch, a window, and a pad of paper will yield the same writing. . . .without the fret of wondering if “0 Comments” is a message in itself.
So here’s the deal I’ve made between myself and the silent others. If there aren’t ten comments (by ten people!) on this post by the time I log in tomorrow night, I’ll take the message of silence for what it is, and go back into the closet.
Tick-tock.
53 responses so far ↓
1 Linda L. // Mar 21, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Please . . . . don’t you ever go back into the closet ! I PROMISE I will comment on everything I read, even if only just to let you know I read it. I am one of the ones that read everything on here , love what I read . . . . am moved, angered, saddened . . . . delighted and on and on . . . . but don’t always comment because sometimes I simply don’t know how to say what I’m feeling. From now on I will find a way. Thank you for being who you are and sharing yourself with us. Please do not stop. Linda Lombardo
2 Linda L. // Mar 21, 2008 at 5:04 pm
PS . . . . If necessary, (which I highly doubt), I will write all 10 comments myself ! You and Rosie are my most often used bookmarks !
3 MJL // Mar 21, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Please don’t leave , you’re one of my favorite blogs. I learned of you through the Rosie blog too. You make me believe I will someday write the stories in my head.
4 Sharon // Mar 21, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Don’t you hate how much you need us? I think I’ve figured out why my blog is one I seldom visit. Reading yours makes me want to put it out there more but I am afraid. No comments would kill me. My few comments on here are often the longest so I tell myself I need to get over to my own blog and write.
Jane, I’ve read every word and almost all the comments on your site. I love everything about it including the name. There is always more to the story.
I relate to you in many, many ways even though I am old enough to be your mother. I write. I love communication. I think a lot about truth and about time. In presidential election years I become a political junkie. I often find myself becoming reclusive. Though you don’t write much about Minnesota, I know you are there and my mother grew up there. Rosie’s truth speaks to me. Elephants and tattoos are a turn off to me so I didn’t comment. But maybe I am an EG. Over a period of 35 years I’ve taken into my home a total of 9 people. Collectively they have stayed 25 years. Before that I ran a home day care and tended to a couple dozen infants and toddlers. Not all at once of course. That was while raising four teenagers and a foster child. I’d say I’m in Elephant denial. Fortunately the last person who came into and remains in my home is my husband’s brother who is retired and pays rent. This allowed me to retire and spend time writing, creating art, and spending time on the computer.
Jane, if you go in the closet, I may have to come to Minnesota and start knocking on closet doors. Just kidding. I am not a stalker.
Hope to read your comments tomorrow.
5 Jane too // Mar 21, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Don’t go, I just found you!
6 Alison // Mar 21, 2008 at 7:17 pm
I read everything you write, Jane. In fact, I generally check in no less than a couple times a day. If I don’t comment it’s usually that I feel I have nothing to add to existing comments, or it’s a topic I know jack didley about. I would certainly miss this site which has become a comfortable place to drop by, hang out, hear what others have to say, and occasionally chime in. You are appreciated and admired by so many of us and I will most definitely throw my two cents in more often, or until such time as you request I keep my damn opinions to myself.
7 Lyric // Mar 21, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Delurker just long enough to say…
DON’T GO!
Comments are wonderful but your content is even better. Promise.
8 Rose // Mar 21, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Dearest Jane,
You are a very creative writer; I have always admired that about you.
Time does slip away from all of us, but do what you love and if only one person reads it with a smile (as I did this tonight) then that is all you need… Trust me I know…
You have a rare talent, and talents should be shared whether with one person or a million. It is not the number but the sentiments…
Be well, take care and keep writing you are one that could do so professionally.
BTW Happy 46th go out and look at butterflies, listen to the birds and enjoy the spring blooms… life is way too short to ever take any of that for granted…:)
9 Laurie // Mar 21, 2008 at 7:48 pm
DON’T STOP!
10 jimi // Mar 21, 2008 at 11:33 pm
MY DEAR FRIEND, WE HAVE NOT FORGOTTON YOU…. HONESTLY, I FELT YOU NEEDED A REST. WRONG, YOU NEED TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED. I AM SO SORRY AND I TOO ,APPRECIATE YOUR WRITINGS. SOMETIMES, I JUST DON’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING. AS I HAVE TOLD YOU IN THE PAST, I RESCUE FERAL CATS[AND OTHER LITTLE CRITTERS]. IT IS TIME CONSUMING AND SOMETIMES FRUSTRATING. I WOULD MUCH RATHER HAVE ANIMALS FOR FRIENDS THAN HUMANS. PEOPLE CAN BE MEAN AND INSENSITIVE. I TALK A LOT TO MY DOG AND MY FURRY FRIENDS. A LOT OF MY PALS ARE FERALS I HAVE TRAPPED AND NOW THEY LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY. SO JANE, WE ARE NOT THAT DIFFERENT. I JUST CAN’T WRITE OR EXPRESS MYSELF THE WAY YOU DO. I LOVE ANIMALS INSTEAD OF BOOKS… I SPENT MANY A SLEEPLESS NIGHT AND WAS OFTEN SLEEP DEPRIVED FROM OVER WORK AND TRYING TO GET AN EDUCATION. I WORKED TOO MUCH AND HAD NO SOCIAL LIFE. MY SOCIAL SKILLS ARE LACKING. IF THERE IS AN EMERGENCY OR A CRISIS, THEN I’M THE PERSON YOU WANT AT YOUR SIDE. I AM MUCH OLDER THAN YOU. I AM SURPRISED WHEN I WAKE UP .YOU ARE DEALING WITH THE DARK SIDE OF YOUR SOUL…THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR. AGE IS JUST A NUMBER. YOU WILL BE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME… I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO GET ONE MORE BOOK….” FROM PANIC TO POWER” BY LUCINDA BASSETT . ANIXIETY REALLY CAUSES US TO DUMP OUT A LOT OF HORMONES INTO OUR BLOOD STREAM…HORMONES CAUSE A LOT OF DISTURBING SYMSTOMS. I AM NOT ONE OF THE “STRANGE ONES”. I WANT ONLY THE BEST FOR YOU. YES, I AM ECCENTRIC….BUT THATS ABOUT IT. I HAVE NOT MADE UP MY MIND WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE. GOD BROUGHT ME THIS FAR. I AM GRATEFUL. I KNOW I HAVE BEEN VERY LUCKY! WAS IT ROD MCKUEN THAT WROTE…”A THOUSAND EMPTY FACES WANT FILL AN EMPTY ROOM ,AND A THOUSAND PLASTIC FLOWERS WANT MAKE A DESERT BLOOM”? I CAN’T REMEMBER…..BUT I THINK IT’S TRUE. GOOD NIGHT BUNNY RABBIT,J
11 jimi // Mar 21, 2008 at 11:37 pm
P.S. I LIKE ROSIE TOO!! I THINK SHE IS FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING.LOL,J
12 Barbara // Mar 21, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Jimi, I don’t think Jane is expressing any dark feelings or panic here, but probably just wants to know if people are here, and if they’re interested. But I love the Rod poem! Talk about memories!
Technically, I don’t know if my comment qualifies as one of the 10 since I’m a “neighbor-friend” but Janie, I’m here and I was even here before I met you! Now that’s weird, finding out that the blog you were reading was written by a woman who lived a block away!! To learn you were as nice, gracious, and compassionate in person as you appeared to be online was a bonus.
I don’t think I’d have been interested in either of the two (now and forever gone) stories you mention above, except for the fact that you drew me in with your style, and the way you always did have the “more” to the story. Anna was always like an alien creature to me, and not someone I admired, but you humanized her for me and made me relate to her as a woman. You also made me care in a deep way about a complete stranger, and want to help her find justice.
I’ve been blown away by articles like the ones on Forgiveness, Cruelty, and the recent one on the elephent girls, which I have read many times now. (I have also gotten excited about politics, and learned much, although I will say I like your non-political articles better).
So, neighbor-friend or not, I’d like you to keep doing what you do. I’d also like you to finish your book!!
13 Barbara // Mar 22, 2008 at 12:03 am
ps Jimi, I love that there are people like you in this world!! I am allergic to cats, but have always loved them, and donate as much as I can to the Humane Society. Bless you!!
14 jimi // Mar 22, 2008 at 12:50 am
BARBARA”, DARK SIDE OF THE SOUL” IS A VERY OLD TERM WE SENIORS OFTEN USED TO DESCRIBE TRANSITIONS . SOME OF MINE HAVE BEEN DARK,SOME A SWIM ON A COLD DAY. SOMETIMES I HAD CONTROL…SOMETIMES I DIDN’T. I THINK JANE WILL UNDERSTAND.J
15 Linda A. // Mar 22, 2008 at 1:36 am
I also found you through Rosie’s blog and love coming here again and again. Your writing is brilliant. Please appreciate that we are in and out at different times of the day checking for your latest words which are always so heartfelt. I know I would love to know you personally. Thank you Jane!
16 susieq aka: norma gilliatt // Mar 22, 2008 at 2:54 am
Dear Jane,
Happy Birthday!!!
Thank you for this article, that made me cry so much, I had to stop in intervals and after a couple of hours, I am still have not finished reading it…lol
Since time is a factor in determining whether you keep your blog up, I can only encourage you to follow your heart. I am sure you have many gifts of which writing is only one of them.
I believe everything happens for a reason…
What a breeze of fresh air…
It is rare for anyone to read an article a person can agree with 100%, especially me, but I did. My stopping point was a couple of paragraphs of the elephant girl. I cried, because I have been blessed to have been given a FEW elephant girls. Hello! Later, I this it came to me: Are we really born male and female in the truest sense? Or is it a piece of the puzzle?
We all have choices every second we are here on earth. If I had your many gifts, I would continue to follow your heart… and as my husband says, “In a hundred years it won’t really matter!”
Thanks for this rare and very much needed touching gift to the world.
Hope this helps… Now go figure…LOL
17 MELODY // Mar 22, 2008 at 3:27 am
As I write this there are already 16 comments, so I guess we’re safe, and you will stick around for a while ? I found you thru Rosie too- I love the way you write, and the topics you choose.
Blogging is an interesting thing, isn’t it ? I am fairly new to the whole thing.
I was excited 2 c that one of my favorite authors (Robert B. Parker) had a website and a blog. But when I went there, read, and commented, I discovered that A. He only used his blog to sell/promote product, and B. He didn’t ever appear to read the comments (he never responded 2 them) This was disappointing, because 2 me, blogs r about connecting and exchanging. Just spouting off, 2 me anyway, isn’t the point of blogging ( hear that “Hollywood farm girl ?)
btw, did u notice u and Rosie are the same age? Her b’day was 2day 3/21, and yours is- what? the 30th ? Both 46! Spring Chickens ! (61 here, as of 3/3)
n e way, thank you fellow commentors !
p.s. another thing- If you are appearing on a TV show to comment on things, why aren’t you a “commentor”? Why are you a “commentator”?
Happy Belated Birthday, Melody! - Jane
18 jimi // Mar 22, 2008 at 8:57 am
FIRST DAY OF SPRING….HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANE. I KNOW THAT YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER WILL HAVE A GREAT WEEK
END. BLESSINGS TO BOTH OF YOU. HAPPY EASTER EVERY ONE.J
19 A.P. // Mar 22, 2008 at 11:18 am
Jane, please don’t stop publishing your pieces on your blog.
I read here often. If I don’t comment it is usually because someone has already expressed my sentiments, I am too lazy, I don’t feel knowledgeable about the topic or I want time to reflect.
Hi, Alison!!!!
20 Sandi // Mar 22, 2008 at 11:50 am
You must write because sometimes you will write something like Elephant Girls and it will touch people in a profound way. Like it touched me. And yes, I should have commented and told you that it was wonderful and I related completely but I was just lurking from Rosie’s blog and was remiss. Your words are important. I blog and I have ONE person that comments - one friend who wants to share the love. But others have mentioned something that I wrote that touched them. And there you have it - the motivation for the effort.
Thank you!
21 Doris Rose MacBean // Mar 22, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Mea culpa. I read your most excellent articles-Regularly- and don’t have the courtesy to, at least, say thanks.
You and Rosie are ones I read for clarity in this frenetic, unreal news cycle.
I agree with your thoughts in this post and would like to share that; I retired 1yr ago and it has been glorious. I feel that I accomplish less, but attempt more. I read, write, photograph, craft, blog, “ebay/etsy” and explore many different things.
I seldom leave the house-if it is not necessary and dote on my canine companions.
I will be more polite–but please don’t bail on us.
22 Alison // Mar 22, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Hi A.P.! Hard to believe it’s only been a year since Jane got the ANS/HKS site got off the ground–it seems like it was so much longer ago. What interesting twists and turns this blog has taken since then.
23 Jane Devin // Mar 22, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Thank you all SO much for letting me know you’re reading!
Thank you, too, for all the wise words, and the beautiful comments. I really wasn’t fishing for compliments, but thank you. It’s affirming to know that I’m not writing into a void, but to people. I like to feel connected, and I’d really like nothing more than to build a sense of community here, where we all get to know and learn from each other.
I appreciate every response you take the time to make, and I do read them all, and am often inspired or find myself with thoughts for a new topic.
I understand not commenting on every story, and that’s okay with me. I just needed to know if you were here and had an interest in continuing.
So — phew — now I know you’re here! I’m here, and will continue writing.
Thank you!
24 peejays // Mar 22, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Jane I am barely here as I am not a constant reader of anyone’s blog for reasons too boring to go into. But I do check in here more often than I do others. I think your insights are unique, even in politics, which is no easy thing given all the blogs on politics right now.
I wonder if part of the reason why you sometimes get few comments is just because of what is going on with the would-be commenter, rather than your blog and what you’ve written. Commenters often need interaction, too, though of course I don’t expect the blog writer/owner to respond to me. I know that I often don’t write a comment if I feel no one will respond. It makes me feel like I’m wasting my time. Sometimes if I am offering up info or clarifying erroneous statements I might be inclined to comment, just to set the record straight. But even then I don’t do it too often. Lazy, maybe? Insensitive? Anyway, your blog entry has infused me with some responsibility for the future: If I’m going to read an entry, I should make an effort to comment. Thanks for sharing your point of view of the blogger behind the blog. I want to say that I hope you continue with your blog, but I can’t do that without adding that I hope you do that only if that is what you want to do. Good luck with you book, too!
25 linda woods // Mar 22, 2008 at 9:57 pm
You’re so brave. I am almost tempted to blog about the scrapbook mafia now! But, they might come after me again and I am just not in the mood.
I am in love with John Irving. The Hotel New Hampshire is one of my all time favorite books.
You, me, Karen and Rosie all born in the same month. March is the month of Elephant Girls for sure.
Here’s the trick for getting more than ten comments: have a contest!
26 Elf // Mar 22, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Hey Jane,
Hope you and yours have a Happy Easter, working on mine, just found out my 12 year old daughter doesn’t have brain tumors been a rough month, makes u look at life a little different and puts one into perspective, guess one really needs a pince once in a while, actually prayed to our Maker like I never did before, only because she is my heart and soul, always kept me going when things were rough. and dogs do understand more than u think prayed with r’s every night for my little Buggsy. Don’t give up the fight.
27 dee // Mar 23, 2008 at 1:16 am
Aloha Jane;
I am thrilled to see all the support coming your way. If you were to leave I would miss you dearly, in fact when the site went silent for a while I felt the pangs of withdrawal.
To be honest Jane, I read your writings often… and sometimes I have to read it several times to absorb it all… You get me to think and think hard. I know if you were sitting across from me, we would discuss/share to deeper depths of my thinking…. But if I have to stop and write that down (since I don’t possess this gift) well that is simply brain pain.
I love your writing; I love what it does for me! In the future I know I don’t have to write my thoughts in such depth but to simply let you know I am here.
With much admiration and aloha!
28 dee // Mar 23, 2008 at 1:18 am
Oh by the way….
Congrats on your first year! &
Happy Happy B Day to you!
29 freida // Mar 23, 2008 at 5:42 am
Oh my gosh…
I just read this again, a little more slowly, and you’re an Easter Baby?
I know, I know…I drive you nuts. Well what do you think I do to myself?
Instead of an Elephant Girl, I just took a test online and I’m a wolf, LOL.
I do enjoy reading your articles, or stories, and when I came to your BLOG in the beginning I was searching for truth and justice.
I’ve enjoyed this adventure and typing comments and I think I’ve read every word you have written, sometimes I’ve read those words more than once. And, honestly I can’t say I’ve done that everywhere else.
Happy Birthday!
30 Linda L. // Mar 23, 2008 at 9:59 am
I must be a “monday morning quarterback” because this didn’t occur to me until long after I left my comment yesterday . . . . .
Similar to the fear of public speaking, (far and away, the number one fear of the majority of mankind . . . . . even ahead of death) a fear of “public writing” plus a feeling of “inadequacy by comparison” are very likely the primary culprits behind our “failure to comment” . . . . . . First, it isn’t just you we’re sharing our thoughts with, and secondly, you have such an incredible gift for communicating that it’s more than a little daunting to respond in kind, especially since we have to use exactly the same “tool” you use . . . . . the written word . . . . . to do so. Imagine having to paint or compose music in order to convey to an artist or composer what, and how much, their work means to you. Even though I know you would never be judgemental about what I might say, or how, I am still reluctant to try to express my feelings in writing and then send them off into cyberspace for anyone to read . . . . . . even now I’m wondering “am I saying this right . . . . does this make sense to anyone but me ?” . . . . and will no doubt hesitate quite a while before hitting “SUBMIT” . . . . . but I will because I feel terrible that you spent even one second “wondering why . . . or wondering why (you) have a blog in the first place” 0 comments does not = 0 appreciation . . . . . but rather more like a fear of sending a “doodle” to Michaelangelo . . . . .
31 Laurie // Mar 23, 2008 at 9:59 am
Well, I only discovered you through Linda Woods’ blog, when she posted the link to Elephant Girls (which made me cry - I like reading things that make me cry like that). I was glad to see there were already a number of comments, but I thought I would add mine. I’m only just beginning to comment on blogs, realizing that it is important. Often I just read and leave. Seeing it said like that makes it seem rather rude.
I wish I could be a neighbor friend. I, too, am looking for creative friends and finding it hard to find them in my little Michigan town. Until they come along, I’ll just keep creating, and perhaps I’ll start the blog that is running around in my head and find some online creative friends…
A very happy birthday to you! (I’m about 6 weeks shy of my 45th…I wish time ran like you wanted it to!)
32 Sharon // Mar 23, 2008 at 11:29 am
Beautifully said, Linda L. That’s how I feel.
33 rose (from AL) // Mar 23, 2008 at 2:06 pm
more lauries & roses & allisons here. maybe we shoud put our state after our names!
ditto to peejay & lind a & dee & many others. writing & spelling & typing is not my strong suit & i’ve been ridiculed other places altho not here!…….but i understand what you said & know it can be enough just to let you know i’m here. i will do that more!
and i patiently wait the next story!
all my best to you!
rose……from Alabama!
34 flowerz // Mar 23, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I didn’t know where to find you is why I have not been here. I love your writings. Stay out of that closet, too dark in there.
35 Von // Mar 23, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Dear Jane, We have had a conversation or two about this topic. You know how I feel that its the readers and not the comments that matter so much. I see I was correct. Your talent is treasured and appreciated by more than you have imagined.
Yes, I am guilty of not commenting as well. To me, you are a hard act to follow. I suppose just a few words like “I really enjoyed that” or “your article touched me deeply” would suffice but sometimes your articles leave me speechless and I am without words to express how profoundly affected I am.
We have been through a lot together in this alternate universe called the internet. Sometimes I don’t know what I would have done without your friendship, assistance and even the rare gentle scolding that you hand out once in a blue moon.
I could go on but I will end with wishing you a happy 1st blog-birthday and join the others in saying that your absence from the blogesphere would leave a huge and depressing emptiness that no one else could ever fill.
Thanks for the entertainment, the enlightenment and a chance to read for free what an actual “writer” really creates.
36 Jane Devin // Mar 23, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I feel the same way about what you guys write — and rose (from AL), I don’t think the readers here are the kind that would berate you for typos. I know I wouldn’t, especially since I’m not immune!
I get so much MORE from the comments here than some of you know. Like *Kari, who bravely shared her story, and LBJ, who tells us what it’s like to work with girls society has thrown away, and Allison and Alison with their differing but astute political insights, and the Linda’s, one who makes me laugh and another who throws a little bit of sun into even hard subjects. . .
Dee, Doris, and Sharon, who are warm and kind. Old friends like Von and Freida, who have stuck around. Elf and others, like peejays and flowerz, I’m just meeting.
At its best, blogging is a multi-way experience. Me to you, you to me, you to each other, us out there, sharing whatever we can.
So again, thank you. . .and rose — I’m working on it now! New article tonight or tomorrow evening.
37 peejays // Mar 23, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Happy belated birthday, Jane! I wish I had said this earlier. I hope it was wonderful.
Linda L expressed my concerns about posting comments, too, Jane. I must be in denial about it because I didn’t even think about that when I posted earlier. Thanks Linda L for bringing this up.
Jane, you are a hard act to follow. And so is your community of commenters.
Rose: I could care less about typos, punctuation, etc., when it comes to comments. (Can’t we (those of us who want it) have a safe haven from that type of perfection somewhere?)
I’ll add another reason why I don’t often comment : I often take extended breaks from reading blogs, so that I won’t feel compelled to comment, respond, comment, respond, etc. It’s just a time thing, that’s all. Like not watching TV until your work is done.
38 Karen Dinino // Mar 23, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Dear Jane~ A rose not seen retains all its beauty….yet, how much more beauty spreads through the world each time a rose is seen?
So it is with your exquisite words. Yes, they would be as beautiful written in a journal or scrawled on a brick wall. But when you put your words here, for any and all to see, you ignite passion, beauty, spirit, and life in others, who then take that beauty into the world, and to others. It is happening, whether you know it or not. Beauty affects people. Do not doubt it.
Plant your roses, let them bloom, and trust that they are making a much more beautiful world.
In the meantime, we’ll leave some footprints on the garden path to let you know we were here! Now, I’m going to go spread some rose petals….
(and happy birthday!!!!)
39 AJM // Mar 24, 2008 at 10:25 am
I to have always enjoyed your writings, I wish I was able to express myself as you do.
Please continue what you are doing, because without you it would be very borning on the internet.
40 linda2u // Mar 24, 2008 at 11:23 am
Dear Jane,
Sorry i am lurker (just shy) & very seldom comment, but had 2 come out of the shadows so that u won’t go into the closet to hide.
*Please, know that I always LOVE 2 read ur blog!
*I have u BK’d as 1 of my favs!
Keep on keepin’ on!!!
Hope ur B’day was fan-tastical~~
41 Kate // Mar 24, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Jane,
I SO GET IT!
When Terri Cheney’s (A good romp of a read) “Manic” gets yet another endorsement from yet another celeb or reviewer or site, I think to myself, “Why did I write ‘Mommy I’m Still in Here’? It’s as good, better in some ways, and not getting the attention it deserves.”
And then I’m reminded that I positively affect lives every day (most significantly my own) because of the truths I share, the words I speak and write, the blog I nurture and the hope I impart.
I am giving and getting at an amazing rate and need not envy, compare or despair.
So, my dear Jane, you cannot go back into the closet and I cannot reel in my words because this is our role, our path, our present and our future.
And it is good.
Blessings!
Kate
42 allison // Mar 24, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Dear friend,
Jane you are so valued & loved here.
You know how I feel. You are a true Elephant girl,
a true sister, and a beautiful human being.
43 kris_D // Mar 24, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Dear Jane,
i’m a reader…a creative person, yes! photography, music, drawing indeed…sometimes i write but it garners a big fat goose egg of a “o” in the comments catagory mostly because, well, i’m a reader first. i admire those that can string together words that move me the way a good melody or rythm can. (i love your playlists by the way). i horde quotes and treat them like little jewels…ya know what’s good about that? when i can’t find the words to express what i need, there is always someone who can for me. so on this topic, i give you the fine words of Martha Graham…
“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is on a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
44 Donna Faber // Mar 25, 2008 at 8:27 am
Hey Jane … so glad to see you aren’t going back into the closet. You know, the thing I love about the internet the most is, if you can wade through the crud, you do find a diamond or two out there. I feel connected to the world, to “strangerfriends”, through this thing. So, hang in there … who knows, maybe you’re not as odd as you think!!
I don’t THINK I’m odd … am I?
D~ (tee hee)
45 Marcie // Mar 25, 2008 at 11:32 am
I just found you! Don’t go away!
I don’t aways check the very few blogs I read but I identified so much with “elephant girl” I’ve finally “favorited” you so I can find you.
I belong to an internet sampler guild (yes, stitched/embroidered samplers) called the Swan Sampler Guild. I asked the founder why Swan? She replied that when like minded people or people with similar interests find each other, we turn from an ugly duckling into a swan.
The few blogs I read, we’re all swans.
46 Marg // Mar 26, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Jane, I sometimes wonder how anyone could survive such brutality and degredation, but I know way too many do. I am so thankful you have found your voice at last. I particularly liked that your named your tormentors. I googled them - they are all there - someone should send them your web linki.
47 Suzy // Mar 27, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I love your writings! OMG, don’t leave. I found you through the Rosie website as well. I’m not a creative person per se but I admire those, like you, who are. Is your birthday March 30? I will be 46 on March 30! Happy Birthday to you and stay out of that closet!
48 Suzy // Mar 27, 2008 at 3:59 pm
And one more thing, I would love to read all your writings re: ANS. I’m not usually interested in such stories but that one certainly fascinated me a lot. I am not a crazy stalker and am sad I found you too late to read your thoughts on such a sad situation.
49 Paige // Mar 27, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Oh Jane,
I know how you feel…sometimes you think you’re the only one reading your own stuff, but in your case, it’s simply not true! You are truly gifted with words and I find myself jealous of your talent whenever I read your samplings. I also find myself relating to EVERYTHING you have to say. Maybe it’s because we’re around the same age, maybe it’s because we both hate the long MN winters or maybe it’s just because we are two chicks trying to get through the day the best we can. Whatever it is, keep it up. You are speaking for the masses, or at least all of us 40-somethings who like to hibernate and daydream.
Fondly,
Paige
50 Patty G. // Mar 27, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Jane, don’t ever go back in the closet if you don’t receive a comment to your blogs. You have brought me out of the closet to write on my own blog about how I feel about things around me and even give subtle hints to my son when I think he is off track.
I rarely get a comment from anyone on my blog but I don’t mind at all. I enjoy being able to publicly speak my mind.
With regards to turn the clock of time in another direction, I have always felt this way. I am 60 years old now and have so much to share after learning so much in 60 years and it means nothing to anybody that is younger then me.
I have an 84 year old female friend, who walks with a walker like a baby walks with a walker. She wears depends like a baby wears diapers. She eats very little and it must be pureed just like a baby eats baby food.
She has a hard time holding up her head, just like newborns, and must take one step at a time when going up or down steps just like a toddler does.
But she is so full of information in her 84 year -old brain that I so enjoy being with her so I can learn more and to also understand where I will be in another 24 years.
She takes pride in doing her nails, that I started to polish mine again. She finds so much joy in my little dog that I hear her giggle like a little girl when my dog gives her kisses.
I asked her one day: Donna how old do you feel? She told me I feel in my head I am 21. I remember asking my mother how old she felt when she was 60 like I am now and she too told me 21. So I ask myself: “Patty how old do you feel?” And I too feel like I am 21!
Happy Birthday Jane!
51 VIVIAN // Mar 27, 2008 at 6:19 pm
hey, like old times, we are here once again, to share Jane again. WHAT WOULD WE HAVE DONE WITHOUT HERE, IN OLD DAYS?? She has so much wisdom for one so young, she knows exactly what to say, whrn you need someone. Love you Jane, And as soon as i get finished digging that dern, septic up, I will will be here more. Only good thing about digging, is it gives you perky boobs. lord knows i need the exercise. Happy B DAY TO YOU MY FRIEND
52 Kathryn // Mar 29, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I too love your writing and have only recently discovered your site thru Rosie. The truth in your words is very clear to me. Most of all I love your writing and and the subjects you pick, (except maybe Anna Nicole, which was a media experience I was glad to see go away.) I wasn’t around for that, thankfully. I’m glad to see you are keeping on keeping on…
Do you do any public readings? I am from Minneapolis and would love to meet you and learn how you started this blog. It’s such a brave thing to do and while I wouldn’t call myself a writer, I would love to experiment and see if I have any talent at all.
Thank you, Kathryn. I haven’t done a reading in several years and don’t have any plans on the horizon. Have you checked out The Loft in Minneapolis? It’s a great place.
53 Kathryn // Mar 30, 2008 at 10:22 am
I have not checked out the Loft, but have known about it for years. I attended the U of M a lifetime ago. Thanks for reminding me & Happy Birthday!
Leave a Comment