Published by Jane Devin on 13 Feb 2008 at 07:37 pm
I Breathe. I Write. I Deliver Mail.
“Jane,what do you do for a living?” This question comes up often in letters received from readers of this blog, and while my favorite answer is “breathe”, most people don’t find that satisfactory. They want to know what company I work for, what college I teach at, or how I became so independently wealthy that I don’t have to work at all.
Sometimes, they’re surprised, even disappointed, to find out that I’m just a blue collar member of the working class. “Real writers” aren’t supposed to haul garbage or bag groceries. It’s okay if we live romanticized lives of poverty, struggling for our art, but having an actual job is perceived not only as unromantic, but as a sign of failure. Surely, real writers don’t serve up hash or work in post offices, right?
William Faulkner’s most notorious stint as a working man was his role of postmaster at the University of Mississippi post office, which incredibly he held for nearly three years. By all accounts, he was a terrible postmaster — he would ignore patrons calling at the window, he delayed taking outgoing mail to the train station, and on occasion he even threw away mail. He spent much of his time in the post office writing, and other times he would play bridge and mah-jongg with friends whom he’d appointed as part-time clerks. When a postal inspector came to investigate, Faulkner agreed to resign. Later, Faulkner said about his experience: “I reckon I’ll be at the beck and call of folks with money all my life, but thank God I won’t ever again have to be at the beck and call of every son of a bitch who’s got two cents to buy a stamp.”
My own job at the post office doesn’t allow time for card-playing, and I’m usually polite to customers when I see them, but it’s not a romantic job. Mail is dirty. My hands are weathered and chapped. Sometimes the bureaucracy is frustrating. Still, I’m basically alone several hours a day, which is why I chose, after years of pink collar/white collar suffering, to descend the ladder of corporate success. Climbing the ladder was important to me when I was raising my kids — once they left home, it wasn’t important anymore. I wanted to write again, and not just on those rare quiet evenings.
In the eyes of many people, this makes me a failure. At 45, if I had any talent or showed any promise, I would not be living in a tiny, rented apartment, delivering mail part-time. I would be knighted by the publishing industry, teaching literature at some prestigious university, ensconced in some beautiful cottage, and a Google search of my name would yield more than a blog and a couple of old newspaper articles.
The romantics may like a tragic beginning and a neat, happy end, but they tend to leave out the middle, which conflicts with their convenient theory — that all talent is instantly recognized and rewarded, and all good works are sanctioned by a knowing society. They don’t link those posthumously famous authors and artists, who died in obscurity and poverty, to any present day possibility. They see no Van Gogh’s or Zora Neale Hurtson’s in their midst, and no possibility that one of them may be sweeping up hair at their favorite salon, or steaming the milk for their Starbucks lattes.
The half-true but much heralded story of a penniless and welfare-dependent J.K. Rowling writing her first Harry Potter book in a coffee shop may appeal to the romantics, and even be considered a tad heroic — but only after the fact of millions in book sales and global popularity. Prior to that, I’d wager that some saw her as the crazy woman scribbling for hours on end in the cafe, a person of negligible worth, a dreamer, a “wannabe”, someone whom — if they had any talent at all — would have “made it” prior to the age of 32, when her first book was published. If Harry Potter had never been published at all, would Rowland be a worse writer? Of course not.
Then there’s Michael Blake, who had just been fired from his job washing dishes at a Chinese restaurant when his book “Dances with Wolves” was optioned for a screenplay. Blake, who spent twenty years writing scripts that never got produced, and whose now-famous book was never even reviewed prior to becoming a film, was not less of a writer when he was elbow-deep in greasy dish water and making minimum wage — but I’m sure many people he knew in his pre-glory days questioned his talent.
These are not my pre-glory days, just my days, period. I’m quite sure nothing I write will ever reach Harry Potter fame or the silver screen, not only because I rarely submit my work, but because I’m content with obscurity. I’m content to write stories that mean something to me, even if the subjects are unpopular and the endings are messy or tragic.
I breathe. I deliver mail. I write the stories of lives lived on the periphery. And I am content.
freida on 13 Feb 2008 at 8:09 pm #
Before I take one more step and ‘read’ the rest of this story.
Just wanted to tell you about my mailman that just retired.
He was the best!
His name was Joe, and he doesn’t even know how much I’ll remember him.
His kids bought a house near me, so I still see him once in a while.
And so does my Rosie.
And, my Rosie just loves him.
You see he was a very smart man, and he always had ‘treats’ for the dogs in the neighborhood.
Once in a while I see him at the Grocery store, and I met his wife once.
Seems he’s taken care of her, and his children all of his life.
She’s not an independent woman, and…well.
I need to get on with reading the rest of this.
I sure do enjoy this more than Politics.
Rebecca F. on 13 Feb 2008 at 9:16 pm #
*Please see your email. Thanks. Jane
allison on 14 Feb 2008 at 10:25 am #
Jane,
How wonderful to visualize the entire 3-dimentional person! Why am I not surprised to find that someone who’s talent I have so much respect for, is an actual working human being, out there struggling like, and with the rest of us.
The reason your writing is so refreshing, even with the gritty material you take on, is because it is real. It rings true in our hearts, and makes us think. Your gift enriches my life.
So thank you Jane, for taking care of our mail, and for healing our souls.
Peace
Alison on 14 Feb 2008 at 10:45 am #
Jane,
You are doing what most people wish they could do, live life on their own terms. Conform to the extent necessary, work to the extent necessary, try not to compromise your principles and then devote the rest of your time to doing what makes you happy. Simplicity may not guarantee happiness but a material, financial and status driven life would seem to me to put happiness much further from reach. And with all your talent and humanity you also possess that special quality that endears us that much more to you. You’re humble. You use your innate gifts to uplift and help other people while always keeping your ego in the background. That you work with unpretentious, work-a-day people seems very fitting. I hope they appreciate how fortunate they are to be your co-workers.
Elf on 14 Feb 2008 at 1:16 pm #
Dear Jane,
I was directed to your website from the rosie.com website, you definately have a way with words and all your articles hit my heart, from abuse, adoption, politics(hate) that word, and this most recent one. Guess it was trying to do all you can while you had u’r children and raising them that really moved my soul, and the fact that people would call u a loser now that u are enjoying u’r life, personally if we just have heat, food, and a roof over our heads we are happy with our life. And really who cares what others think. If they want to keep up with the Jone’s and so on. let them. If it makes them happy ,let them i say,(we aren’t here to judge),this is someones elses job and whether they consume all the energy there is left on this earth for the next generation who cares, all that matters to the Almighty is what we do with ourselves and how our time is spent on earth. You are a fine example and thank you to Rosie for the informational and very insightful website(perhaps this is from your experience as a mail carrier too and all the other things)? The year of 1962 will carry forward with more people like u and I hope and the world too. Hopefully this broken system of ours will be fixed soon too. I was making $8.49 an hour 17 years ago and could hardly make ends meet living in an effienciency that was destined to be condemened but is still standing, making a car payment, and eating. Today Year 2008 I’m making$8.25 have three children and am making $8.25 an hour, but I guarntee all the politicians have an eggnest and they really do not care as long as they get their pension America promised them and their million dollars speaches after(ever wonder why college is so expensive), and all executives earn their three million dollars a lifetime not having a thought about what they did to achieve their success, how many people they stepped on, etc. I have to stop otherwise I would have have to start my own website and you and Rosie are doing already enough of a good job, really u r. Happy Valentines Day and hu rah to 1962! E.
Laurie on 15 Feb 2008 at 2:18 am #
My sister is going through kind of the same thing. Except she stayed home with her kids for about ten years after a super successful career in marketing. About two years ago, she thought it was time and started looking, and no one would hire her. It was like she didn’t exist anymore, and had no talent at all. She was “just a housewife”. With a 140 IQ. A huge history of volunteer work, and a previously successful career.
Anyway, she ended up working at Macy’s and was treated like garbage, not just by mgmt., but by people she previously knew. It was like she had committed a crime by not working those years, and now she was less of a person. She quit, and is home again, but she’s depressed. She’s thinking of going back to school for a Masters. Luckily, she has that oppty.
People are judged by the jobs they hold, and society treats them according to their jobs. I remember a story you once wrote about the different ways the cashier at 7-11 acted when you were in advtg, and when you weren’t. And that tiny example is just expanded a hundred fold in society. And what about that white-collar criminal from Midwest S&L who ended up running for mayor? He’s given all sorts of adoration because he has this million dollar home, even though he got it by stealing retirement funds. He got to keep the house because he put it in his wife’s name. And even though he served 2 and a half years in jail, people still embrace him because he’s rich?
It’s a screwed up world!
linda woods on 15 Feb 2008 at 10:28 am #
Being alone while delivering mail is my FANTASY DREAM job. Though, I’d probably not be very good at it because I would feel bad delivering bills to people and I would edit the mail before delivery which-with my luck- would land me in a lot of trouble and I’d just get fired.
Most people have NO CLUE how the publishing industry works. People think the author really gets the $22.99 that consumers pay per book. Oh how I wish that were true! I’d even be happy with the .99! Having success and fame doesn’t necessarily mean you have MONEY to pay the bills.
dee on 16 Feb 2008 at 4:21 am #
Aloha Jane,
I am guilty of having an image that I obviously made up in my head. I romanticized the idea you traveled and wrote story’s/books/articles. I had an imagine of you sitting in a special place like a cabin, something pretty simple but being surrounded by mother nature at her best.
I am thrilled to hear that this isn’t the case (unless you want to live your life that way). I think it’s wonderful that you have a “normal” job. That you deal in the real world of people…. everyday you deal with people from all walks of life and I bet you can find a story in each one of them. Hell, I applied for a post office job last year to help make ends meet. There was something very appealing about doing something orderly, and necessary, without having to make life affecting decisions.
***Rant On****
I know the comment was removed, but it really mad me angry. Who is to say someone’s intelligence, talents, compassion, understanding, caring HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT THEY DO FOR A LIVING. It would be wonderful if we all had the luxury… What I admire most about Jane is she has not given up on her passion. She continues to write and write well. She has a way with words that provokes thought and a deeper understanding…. not many people can do that. So the next you greet your mail handler, waiter, UPS delivery, truck driver, do not judge. Some of the people are the happiest, well rounded, talented indivisuals. Who the hell are you to judge?
And as far as politics…. our government is based on WE THE PEOPLE FOR THE PEOPLE. I don’t remember anything in there saying a class, gender, age, ability having anything to do with voting, speaking or speaking of freedom. If that were the case then how the hell did GWB get the job?
****Rant Off****
I was brought up to keep our political choices to yourself, that voting was a personal decision. I’m not sure if that is the best approach…. If there ever was a time it’s now… everyone need to ’sing out”!
LBJ on 16 Feb 2008 at 4:31 am #
Oh thank God you said it, Dee, and so much nicer than I would have! I so much wanted to address that post, but since J. removed it, I figured she didn’t want me to defend her, and by way of that, all the working class artists, writers, and well, just people who don’t feel that what they do for money is the end all, be all of who they are!
As far as politics I remain torn. I may not decide until the day I vote! Still, I like to read all the opinions out there and take a little of something from each. You’re right, this is a time when we need to sing out….even if some of us, like me, haven’t quite chosen a song.
dee on 16 Feb 2008 at 9:51 pm #
Okay… I apologize for all my typos, incorrect spelling and incomplete sentences.
But… I think everyone got my point. It was late, I was tired and a little peeved.
Thanks LBJ for the backup….
And Jane as always… Thank you.
Lonnie on 17 Feb 2008 at 10:12 am #
Dee, no one is worried about your typos, LOL! If they were I’d have been kicked off months ago! It’s the spirit that counts here,and yours shines!
Linda, thanks for the laugh! YOu can edit my mail anytime!
Elf, I’m always shocked by those CEO numbers. How many millions does anybody need? In one lifetime? Some have enough for twenty lifetimes over, and I always think what’s the point? At some time doesn’t it just become redundant?
Carlzbad on 17 Feb 2008 at 11:02 am #
Great post. I wish the rest of the world would follow their passions and live life . Frustrating that people are working SO hard to get money and that is all that they do. In the long run they never have time to “enjoy” that money. Rediculous. Life is too short. If we followed our hearts more people would be happy, less road rage, less failed relationships, etc. I worked in a high end salon in Southern California for 7yrs. I miss it, the smell and making people happy and feel beautiful! On the other hand I don’t miss people being so self absorb and the fact that I myself got sucked into a lifestyle that wasn’t me. Wearing clothes that I couldn’t afford and became someone that wasn’t me. After moving it feels good to be back to me so to speak. Not worrying what I look like every single day. Wearing clothes that I can’t afford, etc. At the same time the salon still runs through my veins. I wish people would just treat people as individuals instead of worrying about the corporate ladder. Success isn’t in the wallet. Enjoy your passion.