Pt. 9 - The Sum Total
Jun 16th, 2007 by Jane Devin
Note: This article was not planned as part of this series, but was written spur-of-the-moment tonight after reading some posts here and on other forums that touched on the issue of perception. The originally scheduled article will be posted shortly.
I’ve often held down two or more jobs, to make ends meet, or to learn new skills, or to save for something I really wanted that I couldn’t otherwise afford. Years ago, in my twenties, my primary profession was advertising. An honorable enough profession, but in the area I lived in the salary didn’t buy many luxuries. At the time, computers were high-end items. I wanted one, so I took on the graveyard shift three days a week at an assembly plant.
I used to visit a small convenience store near my home, for coffee to take on my morning commute, or to pick something up on my way back from the plant. The two jobs naturally required a different style of dress, skirts, heels and full makeup for one, and jeans, sneakers, and “who cares what I look like” for the other.
Linda was a cashier at the convenience store. In the morning, on my way to the ad agency, she always greeted me with a smile and friendly small talk. I’ d hand her my money, and she would count back the change, laying the bills or coins in the palm of my hand.
It was the same cashier, and the same me, who had quite a different exchange when I went to the store in my factory clothes. She seemed not to recognize me with a bare face and a ponytail, and the Linda I once thought of as friendly turned sour. No greeting, no friendly chitchat, and no smile. She bypassed the hand I held out, and tossed my change on the counter. Thinking it might be a fluke, or the result of a bad day for her, I went back dressed in full regalia. Linda was once again kind and sweet.
I repeated the experience several times, disbelieving that a simple change of appearance could cause such drastically different results. After six or seven visits, it was clear to me that Linda was deferential to those she perceived as “professional,” and habitually rude to those she perceived as sharing her own, or perhaps even lower, status in the job market.
I finally told her who I was, and she was unfriendly to me thereafter. It seemed that those who held two jobs were not as “professional” or as worthy of respect as she originally thought. Out of curiosity, I asked her about the difference in treatment. After a few other attempts to rationalize, she made up something about mood and the time of morning.
The experience with Linda solidified some lessons started in childhood. Many of us learned the same lessons. About how perceptions about character can be formed solely on the basis of appearance. About how social class really does matter, even as we are taught the ideals of a non-classist society. About the realities of inequality in the land of equal opportunity.
We carry these lessons with us, knowing full well that none of us, not you, or me, or the cashier or the Hollywood celebrity is the sum total of other people’s perceptions.
We are not our resumes, or our jobs. We are not our clothes and makeup. We are not our parents, or our social class. We are, as nature intended, but a convenience-minded society so often tries to distort, unique individuals. Each of us wired differently in some way, based on biology, experience, thought processes, emotions and spirit.
Many people have commented on how I’ve started each article in this series with a personal vignette. I did not do so merely to share my own bittersweet memories with readers, but to illustrate a point: I have come to this story, as you have, carrying life experiences and personal beliefs that inform my views.
After hundreds of facts have been digested, there is still room for varying perceptions. Not only about the validity of presented facts, but about the intentions, motivations, character and substance of each person involved.
Anna was not the sum total of her publicity, whether good or bad. Beneath the image was a real woman, with her own set of life experiences, her own flaws and missteps, and unique characteristics, many of which the public may never be privy to. The internal life of someone is difficult to diagram in black and white fashion and Anna, despite allowing the public an orchestrated peak into her home life, kept the more intimate side of herself relatively private.
Daniel’s passing, then Anna’s, brought their lives to the public in a way Anna certainly never intended. Still, her life story is now in the public domain, and will be for decades to come.
Howard and Larry are not the sum total of their press releases or interviews, or how the public perceives them, but flesh and blood men, with their own set of beliefs, thoughts and emotions.
Daniel was not only his mother’s son, but a beautiful and independent young man whose future was tragically cut short. His story, as well as a portion of Howard’s and Larry’s, are now part of Anna’s story and part of the public domain.
How will the public view this story when the smoke has cleared and the court calendars are free of the ensuing litigation? Will we, the public, seek the most convenient path of either condemnation or worship? Will we do as the tabloid media did in the beginning and create villians and heroes in a story where neither really exists? Or will we follow what we know to be true in our own lives, and extend to others the broader, humanitarian-based view we would wish for ourselves? Which of these choices will dominate future writings and other works that seek to tell the story?
The choice, in a way, is up to us as individuals. Our words, and our views, become part of the public tapestry. Our social discourse and commentary becomes part of the world view part of not only Anna’s story, but the story of how our society responds to a complex human tragedy.
Jane Reading your story made me think of something similar that happened to me.
I was working in the accounting dept. of a large glass manufacturer. I too had to dress the “part”. I often wore dresses or skirts, full make up, hair done. I would drop my children at school and sometimes leave work early to pick them up.
The “Hoity toity” mothers as I call them were so gracious, friendly and talkative. Going so far as to invite “Playdates” for the kids. One day I had taken off to do some yard work and painting around the house,so you can imagine how I was dressed. I went to pick up my children and what a very different reception I was met with, Looked down at. Then again I in full dresss show up a week later and greeted with the same gracious,friendly and talkative mothers as I had seen before.
After another exchange of rude and ignorant behavior when I was dressed “down”. I decided that they were not people I wanted to associate with. I found that the closest of friends I have become friendly with were everyday people that didnt put you in a social economic standing. Instead chose to get to know the real person, the person people didn’t view from the outside.
Hi Mish - I think we learned the same kind of lesson, through different experiences. The thing that’s always been puzzling to me is that people like the snobbish mothers you met probably learned a similar lesson somewhere along the line. . .but they didn’t extrapolate it to consider the experience they showed you. - Jane
Jane…..Just when I thought your writing couldn’t get any better, it just keeps getting better and better and always so true. I love ya Jane and always look forward to your writing and being your friend….Thank you for sharing your writing with all of us…..
Hi Jane, you are right on the money in this article. Many years ago I had to have a combination maxilla and mandible jaw surgery that would require my mouth to be wired shut for twelve weeks. Up until this time I had always weighed 120 lbs. Because I would be on a liquid diet for twelve weeks, the doctors required me to gain sixty lbs. prior to the surgery, since that is what they determined that I would lose post surgery.
The whole time that I was heavy I experienced the same treatment that you spoke about in your post. Once I had lost the weight things went back to normal.
I learned so much from this experience.
Thanks again for another excellent article. You continue to rock !!!
As one single mom to another…Happy Father’s Day.
This type of thing happens all too often..Someone will do anything to hurt others and use others and be dishonest to gain their own personal goals. Or some sort of importance in their sad lives. I had my girls in a preschool each of them it was in a church and the teachers really were wonderful but the other parents were sooooooooooooo hard to talk to and deal with and socialize with. Not ONCE did I ever go in there to drop off my girls dressed up. But you bet your butt everyone else was they were stopping in before they ran off to work or during their lunch hour. And even though all of our children were in preschool together they were sooo stuck up and only talked to the other parents that had money or nice clothes or some sort of status that only they were worthy of idle chit chat in the halls. I noticed it and took note of it but I never let it bother me and always had my head held high and walked in and out like I was everyones friend and said hi to everyone of the parents as we passed eachother with the biggest smile on my face and the most kind of hello’s. I alone carry that attitude where ever I go and I am so happy I choose this side of the coin. IT is much better here in my eyes than on the other side of it. I am happy with who I am and what I do and how I contribute to be a good happy person where ever I go. IT warms me inside and I wouldnt have it any other way…Love ya Jane!
Thanks for the new article Jane! I was up late and chanced a visit only to be rewarded!
I heartily agree with your points. We all have our own biases based on childhood teachings and experiences, but it’s important to remember that at our core all any of us are and can be is human. We’re people, we have flaws, we have triumphs, we have failures, we’re right, and sometimes we’re wrong. It’s always important to remember to scrub past the exterior, to refuse to swallow force fed impressions or ideals. Many people have presented themselves, or have been presented in a horribly negative light only to be scrubbed down to the soul and reveal thoughtful, wonderfullly sensitive markers of love and light. Likewise many people present themselves as the epitome of spun gold and sunshine, only to be stripped to reveal some dark scary places. In the face of that, despite those scary places and those wonderful markers, there’s always a bit of the opposite lurking in a corner of each personality. I don’t believe anyone is inherently totally evil, nor do I believe anyone is inherently totally good. We make our choices as we go along to be the people we are, we conform to ideals, to wants, to regrets, to hopes, to dreams, it’s a neverending process. We try to do the best we can and hopefully get to a place of insight and maturity that allows us to see that our actions have consequences before we walk into too many walls and are purged by too many fires. Until we get to that place, if we ever do before death comes to claim us, it’s the cycle of our lives.
In context with the ANS drama, every player left alive is having to go through that process. Some are walking through the hottest of blazes and are being purged and forced to recap and recount their mis-steps and failures, only to exit the other side more human and much wiser than they were before. Some are in the early stages but will eventually face the same personal blaze, not in the same context or the same intensity, but enough to teach them the lessons needed until the next blaze if the students are stubborn. For the sake of the innocent involved, I hope all lessons by all parties are learned quickly and well.
About the cashier you ran across and the snobbish moms Mish encountered, worry not about their perceptions of you. By being able to discern people by who they are not where they work, live, or eat, you’ve already earned one of life’s gold stars. Those very people will unfortunately chase meaning in status only to be sorely and desperately disappointed. Houses are destroyed, clothes go out of style, jobs relocate and change, cars up grade and downgrade, money comes and goes. Who we are inspite of those things never changes, who we will be come never changes inspite of those things. The truly rich in life can be humble, hospitable, compassionate, and loving in the best and worst of situations. I’m the same me in a ‘07 Mercedes or a ‘87 Buick, just driving in different comforts. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy the comforts in life and work towards them, I just know that if they disapeared tommorrow as hard as life would be, I’d still have my moral and human compass. I can learn to be happy anywhere, which makes my blessings greater and my mind a sounder place to exist. That’s the point of life to me, to realize that things aren’t the source of our happiness, but the intangible stuff like love, true friendship, true emotional security, faith in God or humanity, which ever you choose, the things that are there in the Penthouse in Manhattan or the huts in a small village in the middle of nowhere are the hallmarks and successes of life.
I think I’m rambling so I’ll stop. Maybe I should invest in a journal LOL, then I could actually make short comments on your site. In any case, again, beautifully written and thought provoking article. Thanks as always!
Dani, my jaw was shattered when I was a teen — broken in 18 places. I had it wired for four months. I only lost twenty pounds. Amazing what one can do with cookies, ice cream and a blender. Also amazing are the lessons learned through temporary, as well as more permanent circumstances.
Amy, I have the same tendency you do - to smile through the hubris cast by social judges, and understand for myself that they are not people I’d want to get to know anyway. It’s gotten easier as I’ve gotten older. When I was young, I bruised more easily and the hurt always showed…which only caused more heartache.
I think your kids are lucky to have a mom that holds her head up high as she walks through the social barriers imposed by others.
EPU, you said, “About the cashier you ran across and the snobbish moms Mish encountered, worry not about their perceptions of you.” I agree, in a social setting, the negative and wrong-minded perceptions of others should be processed for the ignorance it is.
But, as usual, There’s Always More to the Story.
One of the ad agencies I worked for was looking for a secretary with excellent skills. The director had interviewed over a dozen applicants, none totally qualified. I was in the front office when a woman came in with her application. I glanced at it, and she seemed almost overqualified. She had all the experience the Director wanted plus some. I brought him her application.
He came out and spoke with her for a couple of minutes, and then told her the position was filled. It was a lie. He turned her away, he told me, because her teeth were in need of repair. And no, they weren’t rotting and falling out of her mouth — they just weren’t pearly white and straight. He said if she couldn’t take care of her teeth, then she couldn’t take care of an office.
Nevermind that cosmetic dentistry costs a fortune, and most insurance plans won’t pay for it, but that’s just one example. Sometimes, the perceptions of others really do matter, especially when it comes to available opportunities.
Otherwise, I totally agree with your post (and would be disappointed if you, or other contributors) chose brevity over substance. I like to read stories as much as I like to write them.
Jane,
Very good article as always, not to mention, thought provoking.
You know, we’ve all heard people saying how evil Howard K. Stern is. I have never known where they got that idea. I certainly never got that impression from anything I’ve seen or heard of him. On the contrary. He always seems to me to be a very sweet, thoughtful, patient, kind and honorable man. A man of true character, and he keeps proving that, over and over in everything he does and says, but yet some people just can’t see that. I kept thinking, where on earth are these people getting their impressions of evil.
Then I started to wonder if maybe it’s because he always wears black suits, that some people may equate that with evil. Movies always portrayed villians as wearing black lol. Then I thought, how could anyone think anything as silly as that, but that was the only thing I could think of as a possibility.
Now, after reading your article, I am wondering if I was right in that assumption. I for one would never let what anyone wears influence my perception of them, but reading your articles and those from some of your posters, I now have to wonder if that is how some small minded people came to the conclusion that Howard is evil. Small minds really can be dangerous. I, for one, like to get to know a person from inside, not what they are wearing on the outside. A nice outward appearance, can also hide a very different person on the inside, a kind of person, neither you nor I would care to know.
I’ve met people out in public places already that you can tell at once, they are mildly retarded and people would just pretend they didn’t see them. I always would say a few pleasant words to them and was rewarded with such pleasantry, I would never get from alot of “normal” people.
Years ago, I was going into my orthopedic’s office (as a patient) and there was an extremely crippled young man struggling to go up the few steps, and I held open the door for him. I had a difficult time making out what he said, because his speech was impaired severely. He was with his mother and she told me he had been in a bad car accident and this is how it left him for the rest of his life. He had brain damage as well as his whole body. I sat there in the waiting room and did my best to hold a conversation with this man while everyone else acted like he wasn’t there. He told me most people ignored him because of the way he looked and talked and he appreciated that I was talking to him. I felt so badly for him.
Another time I was playing miniature golf with my family and there was a mildly retarded guy ahead of us along with some other people. Again everyone around, pretended he wasn’t there, but I acknowledged him and as a result he tried to tell me where to hit the ball when it was my turn to play. He would always look back to check on me. There is also a man that works at a store, and he is usually sweeping the floors and he always stops to say something to me with a brilliant smile on his face,and is the most pleasant person and I always feel good afterward, because he is so pleasant to talk to and my heart goes out to people like that. I always say to my husband, that I think I would rather talk to people like that than alot of other people and he agrees.
Maybe I’ve gotten off the topic a bit lol, and I know I’m taking alot of space here, but I just wanted to say that you can’t go by appearances as to what a person is really like, although I know that many people do, but they are the small minded ones, in my opinion. These “not so normal” people that I’ve encountered treated me like a queen, when other so called “normal” people have done just the opposite.
If anyone would treat me differently because of what I wore, they would never have to talk to me again. If they couldn’t see me for what I am inside, then so be it. They are the real losers, in my opinion.
So I don’t know exactly why some people think Howard is evil, but if they would clear the cobwebs out of their minds and really look for themsleves, they may be able to see things as they really are. They must also learn to think for themselves and not go by what others say.
Thank you Jane for your wonderful articles and for the opportunity to post my opinion. Sorry it took up so much space.
Joan S.
Wow Jane great article. Couldnt agree with you more! Altho, I can’t say I’ve had an exact experience with dressing up. But in high school of course people judged you for your appearance and who you hang out with. My mother, did what she could with one income, and if I wanted to dress preppy, she would have found a way to to buy me the preppy clothes. But instead I dressed in what made me feel comfortable, at that was usually baggy pants and shirts. Not that I didnt match or it looked like I threw on anything. They were named brand pants and shirts. Even with that, the preppy kids automatically labled me as a skank, a slut, and of course a “wigger” because of the baggy clothes. What they didn’t know, is not only did i wear the baggy clothes because they were comfortable, but I wore them mainly because I was hiding my body. I hated my curves, my big boobs, and of course my tummy. They couldnt see, a person who felt so uncomfortable in her own skin.
Not only did my clothes give me those names, but the friends I had also gave me a bad rep. Now I will admit, some of those old friends did sleep around, and didnt have alot of money to buy even named brand baggy clothes. But they never once judged me or even think I was a slut or a skank. This one girl, who I became friends with, that was considered a prep. Told me that everyone thought I was sleeping with this guy I started dating, the first nite, we became “boyfriend and girlfriend” I couldnt believe that people really thought I was that easy, just because of my clothes and who I hung out with. If they would have took the time out, and just simply asked me how many people have I slept with, they would have found out that I wasnt a slut. They would have known that I had slept with the same person throughtout high school for four years. And most of those people who thought I was a slut, turned out, in high school, they had more partners, then I have had even now.
Some might say, maybe your actions are giving them that idea. But seriously what could I have done. I didnt go to parties. I didnt drink. I didnt throw myself on anyone to make out with. And I didn’t talk about sex every chance I got. I was quiet, shy, and usually walked with my head looking down at the floor. That’s why I try not to judge people by their appearance. Altho one should never be judged, but atleast get to know them first before you start to judge them…LOL
Forget that Linda
What a waste, she could have known you as you are
I am very old now but my Mom always taught us to just be ourselves and let people into our lives
it has always worked for me, you meet many wonderful people,
the others don’t count
Jane, I wish for the same kind of world, or even just country, that you do. I would love to live in a society in which people practiced as they preached. “Don’t judge a book by its cover, Don’t jump to conclusions before knowing the facts, People that have done wrong things, even terrible things, have laudable, if not redeeming qualities that deserve to be recognized, Presume innocence until guilt has been proven”. I think for the majority of my life I lived by those principles as much or moreso than anyone else I knew. In fact, anyone I met was automatically extended a creditline of my personal trust and an assumption of goodwill. The belief that I lived by was that how you treated other people would determine how they would treat you in return. I also always felt that trust was the most valuable gift you could offer someone because, unlike the uncontrollable emotion of love, if trust was not violated it would always remain intact. It is also almost impossible to regain when lost.
My philosophy of life seemed to work very well for me for the first 35 or so years of my life. Over the past 12-15 years, though, I experienced an uncanny series of personal betrayals, differing in magnitude, but mostly primary relationships, family, friends, business associates, in which I had invested much of my heart and in some cases much of my soul. All people who I considered honorable. The cumulative effects were gradual but by the last egregious let-down I remember quite consciously thinking I will never allow myself to trust another human being again. It was such an extraordinary string of breaches that I wondered if it wasn’t a sign from above to open my eyes and quit blithely going through life with rose-colored glasses. I felt as if something in my spirit had literally surrendered.
Unfortunately it has made me highly distrustful of people’s motives and sometimes even prone to assume the worst. I bring this up in response to your personal vignettes which you explain show how your perspectives evolved from your own life experiences. I am trying to work through the cynicism that attempts to creep into my judgements, and I do try my best to focus here only on known facts, conventional wisdom and behavioral patterns. And yes, early on I was a Howard detractor who was convinced there was something highly fishy about his proximity to Anna and Daniel, quite convinced of it. I have since softened my stance toward him considerably although I still feel the final chapter has not been written on any of these people (even if both deaths were in fact accidental).
I credit you and many of the posters on this site with helping me to see more of the good in people than I’d been able to in recent years. Even some of the ones whose viewpoints are much different from my own.
Alison,
I’ve never experienced the type of betrayal that you’ve experienced but I can understand why you would learn to be distrustful and question people’s motives. I hope that you are able to find a medium in your life. I hope you will learn to trust people but I also hope that you will learn to trust your instinct about people and their motives. I wish you the best of luck!
Alison,
I just want to commend you for the bravery it takes it acknowledge your perceived short-comings and fears! It’s a sure sign of growth and introspection when you can make the active decision to re-evaluate and change learned behaviors. I can understand why the repeated violation of offered respect and trust would bring about cyncism, but kudos to you for allowing even a modicum of other ideals and ideas permeate the barrier of suspicion. If more people were as brave as you are this world would be a better place!
EPU.
DEAR JANE, GREAT ARTICLE AND THOUGHT PROVOKING. I ALSO LOVE YOUR NEW COLORS. I CAN READ IT BETTER. J
Dear Jane,
It started in first grade, on the very first day of school, when I finally had my first friend. She turned me over in my chair and I was the one sent to the Principal’s Office.
Until this day, my playmates were mostly imaginary. I did see my cousins from time to time, and the neighbor boys and my brother’s friends whom I would wrestle with, and then there was the ballerina…she was much older than me. She gave me lessons.
I was bullied by one of my brothers, and most of the kids at school. I was the kid that sat on the bench, never chosen to play on the team. Even my teachers were mean to me, I sat in the back of the class and I couldn’t see.
Finally, I got glasses, then I was moved to the front of the class. A lot of my life feels like it’s being played backwards.
What I perceived to be true is what I believed.
My wardrobe consisted of three brand-new dresses and one pair of shoes every year just before school started, of course, they were chosen from the closeout racks and tables. Occasionally I would be thrilled to get my cousin’s (usually too, small) hand-me-downs. And there were the nights when my mom and dad would take me searching our neighborhood trash piles for treasures. It was there that I found my first books, when I was three or 4 years old, I actually tried to read Don Quixote. One of the other books was a huge medical text, from 1903, and that is where I first learned a little about sex (they’re were no pictures or illustrations). My mother did give me another book about the subject when I was 12 or 13, (it was dated 1885). I learned about sin, punishment and leaches…horrid stuff.
Well, anyway, I have come a long way.
However, there will always be a shadow hanging over me, I was never good enough, I have a huge inferiority complex. Sometimes I over come it, and sometimes it turns to hate and jealousy, then I attack. People judged me by what I wore, and my severe lack of social interaction. “There’s always more to a story,†as you, say above, and there’s a whole lot more to this story of mine. But, I too, am guilty of judging others.
Jane, I want to thank you for allowing me to put some of my perspectives into this case. I would also want it on the record I did not quite understand, at that time, what this site was about. Realizing what it is I feel it was inappropriate for me to post. Bottom line is I did not understand this site.
Thank you again Mary S.
This site is what the contributors make it; how they perceive it; and ultimately, what they wish it to be. I only author the topics, try to keep the peace, and occasionally post my thoughts and responses in comments like others here. There is nothing to really understand about this site other than it was intended to be a place where reason, passion, and human compassion could meet and find sanctuary. - Jane
Maryst,
You seem like the sweetest person and I don’t know why you would think it is inappropriate for you to post on this site. What do you mean you didn’t realize what this site was about? I thought it was for all respectful commentary despite which side of the issue you were on. I have always enjoyed reading your thoughts and hope you continue to share them. I think you’d make a great juror and as I pointed out once before, it is apparent how much thought you put into your opinions.
–Logical & EPU, thank you for your kind words. I would say at this point I still frequently find it difficult to choose giving the benefit of the doubt, but have pretty much succeeded in shedding any residual anger and hurt. It’s just the trust issue that I struggle with and I’ll be happy when I can strike a balance with faith in human nature and a sensible degree of caution. I’m working on it.
Jane, my surgery came about because my lower jaw was slowly but
steadily sliding back and was blocking my breathing. At first they thought it was my asthma acting up and they hospitalized me for four days but they could not figure out what was going on. After that, I had to see an orthodontist and it was through him that they
finally figured out what was happening. They tried braces and headgear but that didn’t help. I was in my late twenties at the time. Then they decided on surgery.
During the surgery they inserted a plastic plate behind my teeth
front to back on both the left and right sides and that left only the space between my two front teeth for anything to pass through. Fortunately for me I always had a larger space there. I lived on chicken broth, Diet Rite soda, water and liquid vitamins for the entire time. Beef broth made me want to throw up. Ugh!!! and even though I carried my wire cutters everywhere I went, I didn’t want to have to use them. LOL
Do you still have the pins in your jaw? I do and they irritate me every time it rains. I have also been told that I can never have an MRI because of them.
Love your writing Jane and whether it is about Anna and Howard or something entirely different I eagerly wait for the next post.
Jane you never cease to amaze me your writings always leave me with the feeling of being home. I am the oldest of 9, my Mom only worked,at Christmas. I grew up on hand me downs, when we got a box it was party time, we didn’t think any thing except new clothes. MY Mom could do anything with a sewing machine. My new winter coat to start school was my Dad’s top coat, no one knew the difference. When I was in my teens we had one winter coat one pair of boots ect. It was often hard to come up with more than pennies for Church, but we went no matter what. One Sunday one of the Church (ladies) came up to me and said we shouldn”t be coming in our school clothes,and we were not contributing financially. I was 13 or 14 for the first time in my life a was ashamed. I always felt people were looking at me with pity, I could never bring myself to go back to that church. It was a long time coming, but I realized that women was no lady. I realized that I had to look under the coat to find the person. my next church welcomed me with open arms and a hug. Last week I told my Mom how proud I was to be her daughter, that she is the sunshine in my galaxy. She has been thinking to much about how we grew up. I think she is feeling her age, I realize if you need to know something, ask don’t wait to long ,if you have something to say, say it. I never speak to a family member without an I love, no matter how often. Often I find inspiration from other postings, we are more the same than we are different,in some of our life experiences. I know I ramble on, but I feel like I am sitting around my Mom’s kitchen table, nothing is off limites some of my best memories are around that table.
MARYST: I have read everything you post,and I always enjoy them. I know you have been battling your demons and fear you may not be welcome here. I can”t imagine anyone being upset with you, It would be a boring world if we did not have different opinions. You sound like a woman with deep feelings, you should not be afraid to speak.
Lynda, Jane, Everyone,
I appreciate you all and your opinions and for sharing your stories. Your stories have been a source of inspiration and reassurance. Keep sharing. you never know who your stories ministers to. I am so glad I found this site.THANKS JANE. We all have a story to tell. We all have gone through trials and tribulations. But reading some of these post have shown me that you all have turned those test into testimonies and that is the joful part. You rose above it. Again everyone. Thank you and Jane keep up the great work.
Just so you know , MARYST my appreciation includes you although we have had a difference of opinion. I disagree with a lot of things, but that does not mean I cannot understand your point of view. Not all my friends share the same views as myself, but I love them anyone and still listen to them. Continue to be yourself, for you too have shown that you have an opinion that is not swayed or confirmed by others.
Jane:
I had signed up for Greta’s bloggs to come to my e-mail before I became disappointed with her, but I neglected to stop it, which was good because today she had a long opinion on the Duke Lacrosse case. I copied the PORTION that was the most shocking to me — shocking because she complains about the exact same thing she has done to Howard, and here it is:
………………………………………..
June 18, 2007
By Greta Van Susteren
……. At least now many people will carefully wait for the facts and not simply accept accusations. They have renewed interest in the important concept of the presumption of innocence. I do hope that their suffering will in particular help the innocent poor ? the ones who can’t afford lawyers, but whose juries and communities may now realize the importance of innocent until proven guilty. So, the players and their families should take a bow and again, thanks. You have done a service.
………………………………………….
She believes in innocent until proven guilty! How about that?
My jaw dropped on the floor with that one, Isabel. GSV’s hypocrisy is simply off the charts.
I wonder whatever happened to Lin Woods?
#20 Lee aka Sheppie
You have discovered a true gem when you found this site. Jane has
been an inspiation to all of us.
#22 Isabel
I posted on this topic early today, on Art Harris.
Lynda, thank you so much!
Thank you to everyone who contributes, inspires, and shares inspiration.
I was feeling a bit down tonight, and came to re-read the comments. There’s a wonderful sense of reason and empathy on this board, and so much of that comes from those who respond and share their thoughts and personal stories.
I am particularly moved by the stories shared in this thread. Like Alison, I’ve had that bad streak with people, that left me questioning myself. Like Joni, I’ve been uncomfortable in my own skin. Like your mom, Lynda, I had my time where I had to try to create the best for my kids out of the little I had. There is just so much here that most of us can relate to on one level or another, and I feel such gratitude for the open hearts that shared these stories.
You have also inspired me — giving me so many topics to delve into further. The Anna/HKS story will wrap up here this week, and I can hardly wait to get started on new subjects.
p.s. Thank you, Jimi. This is the new design, for keeps. Or at least for quite awhile.
#22 Isabel
I posted earlier on part 8 of this site about Duke Univerity.
I almost fell out of my chair when I read Greta’s comments. I’m not going to go out of my way to criticize her today. She has to llive with herself. I will say that we need to practice what we preach. Our judge is watching us in everything we do.
Jane,
I will be awaiting your new threads. I have been greatly inspired by all of your writings. They made me look back into my life that I thought was perfect (LOL) and found room for much improvement. I believe you have a God given talent. Keep using it to bring postive messsages to the world and it will be everlasting.
Greta’s comments remind me that we never see ourselves the way other’s see us.
Freida,
You have weathered an awful lot from the sound of it. Certainly enough to feel proud that you managed to trudge your way through some pretty miserable experiences. It has to have made you resilient in a way that most of us would fall short by comparison. Remember that the next time you feel inferior to anyone.
Oh, one other thing. If your mother gave you a book on sex dated in 1885, it still makes her more progressive on the subject than my mother was!
Isabel,
Thank you for sharing the information. I am surprised that GVS has espoused that she believes in innocent until proven guilty. Perhaps that theory is only applied to the people that she deems worthy. I am reminded over and over of the number of times that she allowed John O’Quinn to repeat the word “murderer” before Howard hired Lin Woods. I think that Greta traded in her Journalist’s Code of Ethics and her brilliant law career for tabloid journalism ratings. I wonder at what point she made the decision to sell out her ethics and moral obligation and at what price.
My Dear Sweet Jane,
You probably have no idea how many people you have ministered to through your words. I would imagine that your writing is cathartic for yourself, but your words have also nurtured, comforted given strength to countless others. We draw upon each other for strength, wisdom and knowledge.