I asked, you answered, and I must say that other than getting somewhat lost in the Gmail maze of threaded email, this was a fun project for me.  I’m nerdy like that — I like to know something about my readers other than their screen names — and I appreciate your openness.  I was touched by some answers, agreed with several, and some left me quite surprised. So, without further ado I present, largely unedited, you.

Sharon: If you were given the opportunity to be financially secure for the rest of your life, but first had to spend five years in a grueling state of poverty, including bouts of homelessness, would you do it?

My answer is no.  Besides being too old to give up those five years, I’m not a very big risk taker.  Also looking back on 66 years of life I realize some of the best times were those of financial insecurity.  That is when I am most creative.  It is also the time when I must trust more and have faith that all will be okay.  This has proven to work out many times for me.

Sandy: You have five minutes left to live. You will be lucid and able-bodied. How do you spend your last five minutes?

I would spend my last five minutes telling my family how much I love them and one special thing about each of them (my husband’s eyes that change colors depending on his outfit, my son’s enormous capacity to forgive, my daughter’s ability to assess a situation and find a solution in a snap.) Then I would say something funny so we are all laughing when I die. I want to go out laughing.

Veronica:  You have to spend one year on the Island of Passion or the Island of Principle. Which would it be and why?

I have spent 47 years on the Island of Principle, and it’s been good. However, I believe in being open to new experiences and adventures and that having your underlying assumptions about life challenged leads to growth. I’ve only recently acknowledged the strength of my passions and would love to spend a year on the Island of Passion learning about myself and alternative ways of being and doing.

Peggi Jean: What is your single biggest pet peeve and why?

My biggest pet peeve is a sink full of dirty dishes, when there is an empty dishwasher within easy reach. why: because it means their time is more valuable than mine

Julia:  A considerable amount of money or a considerable amount of privacy?  You can only choose one.

Considerable amount of money.  I’ve had privacy.  While it’s been nice not to be openly judged for poor choices in my life, I think I’ve gotten a little thicker skinned about what people think of me.  So bring on the money.  I’d happily try the other life for a while.

Callie: You have just had a vigorous, passionate, and fascinating conversation with a 36 year old stranger. You later find out the s/he dropped out of school in seventh grade and works as a bus driver. What would your immediate thought be?

I would now be even more interested in this person. I would assume s/he were something of an auto-didact, and that circumstance had possibly played an unfortunate part in this person’s slipping through the cracks of the educational system.

Melissa:  You become friends with an incredible artist whose talent you greatly admire.  A few years later, she hits a creative dry spell.  You don’t think anything about it, because it happens occasionally, but when she begins to create again you notice that all of her new work bears a striking similarity to your own — if not exactly replicated, then very similar in concept. What is your response?

I find that humor can often diffuse a sticky situation.  I might carefully review her recent work and make several positive comments. This alone may elicit some ‘admission’ from her.  If not, I would then say, “Well, I see you’re almost finished with your homage to my work.  I love it!”  (I would be sure to say this in a very playful manner, not in a mean or sarcastic way.)  Hopefully, this would give her the space to talk about why she had gone this direction.  If she’s still not saying much….I might have to resort to the old cliche about the sincerest form of flattery! Hopefully, breaking the ice via humor would open the way to a constructive and honest conversation.  Most likely, this phase of her work is going to be quite temporary anyway. Maybe some part of her psyche is trying to reach out to you.

Nikki:  Has anyone ever told you they found you intimidating? If so, did they tell you why? If not, have you ever wished to intimidate someone?

Yes, people have told me they find me intimidating until they get to know me, but I don’t get it because I see myself as a wimp. There are several people in my work life I would love to intimidate! Alas, no luck.

Shelley:  You are ill with a disease that’s not terminal with medical intervention, but would be without. With treatment, there will be permanent and unpleasant consequences, but they will not be painful. At this point in life, you are single, with grown children, and have accomplished as much as you could. Your children and friends want you to have the treatment. What is your decision and why?

Always a difficult decision until you are really there, however, the decision will very likely be to NOT have the treatment. I do think about this often. There are two reasons I would choose to not have the treatment based how you phrased the question: I have accomplished as much as I could and my children are grown. In my opinion, that is the point of life. Once I have accomplished all that I can, it is ok to go. I do not want to be in pain (even though you stated the treatment would not be painful), but I don’t want to have an unpleasant voyage either. If I know I will have two days, two weeks or two months to live, I will enjoy those last days to the fullest but without unpleasantness rather than years with.

Lisa: Thinking about the worst thing you’ve ever done to someone else, intentionally or not, do you feel it was resolved or ever will be?  Why or why not?

No, because the guilt is so deeply engrained in my psyche that it has become a part of me. Damn that Catholic guilt. What a thought to start my Monday with!

Carol Lynn: You have been given 30 seconds to broadcast a message that will be played to the world. What would the subject be and why?

Let all religious persecution and wars cease and let us all respect one another’s right to worship in they way they choose, or not at all.  So much harm is done in the name of religion that we all ought to be ashamed and vow to be better people and societies for the betterment of our world.

Doris Rose: Your friend is a very talented guitarist but a mediocre singer. She decides to start her own band, and gets a gig at a local nightclub. You know the keyboard player is the better singer, and you know a talent agent will be in the audience that night. What, if anything, do you do?

My good and gifted friend has formed a small band comprised of a very talented keyboardist/singer and a non vocal drummer as well as a musical composer/singer/ bass. My friend sings adequately and plays acoustic guitar brilliantly. Their first paid job is a small coffee house with a loyal discerning crowd that has been very supportive and enthusiastic. My role had been cheerleader/roadie and have taken the job of logistics–chairs, lights, handbills, and water bottles.when we learn that the following weekend will have a talent scout in the audience, my friend asks me what could make their good performance great. Knowing the time is short and options limited for change without insult; I focus my comments on the numbers where my friend and the keyboardist have duets and enthusiastically praise her foresight and ability to do the tight, complex harmonies which could be the bands signature sound, and suggest focusing on just those numbers. (If she didn’t ask, I would not offer).

Danielle:  You leave your child with someone you have known a long time, love, and trust. They spank your child for misbehaving. Would you remain friends?

It depends. I don’t think it’s black and white. I firmly believe “it takes a village”. I don’t want other adults to ignore my children’s blatant misbehavior. I want my children to respect all adults, and to maintain themselves- even if Mom and Dad aren’t around. I want them to expect that they are going to be held accountable at all times, especially by those that they trust. I also want that accountability to be fair, and to come from love and concern.I am not opposed to spanking- if the “offense” warrants it. I don’t believe in spanking when angry or spanking for everything.
If I picked my child up from a friend and they explained a situation had occurred and they spanked my child, it would depend on all aspects of that situation to determine my reaction. Most likely, I would ask them to please in the future correct my child, but leave the spanking decision to us. I do feel that those we have known and loved and trusted for a long time are people that think like us and believe the same things we do. If they were very opposite of us, I doubt we would be very close.
I have had a close friend and neighbor correct my child in front of me. It was warranted and I did not intervene.I have had another friend and neighbor scold my child in front of me, and it was not warranted at all and was cruel.  I intervened, and we do not socialize with that person any more.I haven’t had to deal with that to a spanking extreme though.
I do know that I am comfortable correcting another child, but would never personally be able to spank another child, even if it would be something I would spank my own child for. I would leave that decision to the parents.
I know just the spanking issue alone is very controversial, with some people being vehemently opposed to any form of spanking. You write wonderfully as an advocate for abuse, and I truly admire your voice.I don’t think there is a fine line between spanking and child abuse. Meaning, I think they are very different. While spanking can be a component of abuse, not all spanking by itself is abuse. Child abuse is nasty, cruel, heartless, heartbreaking. Blatantly hurting a child, physically, mentally or otherwise, without concern for their well being is inexcusable. It makes me ache inside.
I am a little worried about expressing my opinion here. I hope that because I am a parent that doesn’t firmly oppose spanking, I don’t ignite harsh judgment on the matter.As I sit here with both of my boys on either side of me, one asleep and one close, thanks for making me think about an issue I hadn’t really thought about before.

Laurie: You’re a grad student with few resources who has developed some highly original theories for your field. Your thesis adviser seems rather aloof but encourages you to continue. You find out that one of her colleagues — someone who is highly esteemed — has just used your theories in published work as if they were his own. He claims they are. Do you press the issue?

If I have evidence — dated notes, documents, etc., I put it out there that I came up with these theories. While it is certainly possible another person could think of the same idea, can they prove it was their’s as well as I can? That’s the crucial point, differentiating a thief from someone who came up with the same idea. Remember that scene in Working Girl where Sigourney Weaver had to explain how she thought of selling radio to the guy who wanted to buy TV?  Liars and imposters usually out themselves.  No one is going to stand up for you if you don’t do it first.

Ann:  At work, someone higher up accuses you of doing something you did not do. The allegations are serious, but won’t get you fired. You have no way of proving that you did not do the thing in question, and more people are apt to believe the higher-up. Do you stay and continue to fight the
allegation, do you quit, or something else?

I am a person who stands my ground. I would never admit to something I didn’t do. If I can’t prove I didn’t then they can’t prove I did. I wouldn’t quit just because they didn’t believe me. However, if they made it hard for me I might at least start looking for another job. Of course that all depends on my situation at the time, money, kids, availability of different work etc.

Marcie:  You are very poor, with no insurance and a minimum wage job for a small company. You just found out you are the carrier of a highly contagious disease, but you remain symptom-less. To treat your disease would cost far more than you have. Do you tell your employer?

I would because it was how I was raised. Other people are just as important as I am and vice-versa. And depending upon the prognosis, I might well decide on no treatment at all. My husband and I discussed something similar months ago.

Elaine: If you could meet any living person in the world who would it be and why?

Hillary Clinton. I know I probably need some excuse for why I am so interested in her or think she is some sort of hero given all that she has done that’s not been so perfect in her life but I like her.  I do.  I think she does a lot for feminism, and has a fair heart and a strong will to succeed when she really doesn’t have to anymore.

Caron: You can have only one - love or happiness?

HAPPINESS.  Love is great in spits and spurts, but too often, it is the antithesis of happiness.

Suzanne: What is your most cherished possession?

My most cherished possession?  I am assuming you mean besides my children, because that would be my answer … as far as children are a “possession”.I had to think long and hard about this!  I’m not very attached to physical things.  Even looked up cherish … to love, protect, hold dear.  Then it finally hit me.  My body is the possession I cherish the most.  Coming in second for an actual inanimate object, I am rather embarrassed to say, is my laptop.

Theresa:  Someone is giving away an island paradise. It has a beautiful house and plenty of food sources, but no internet, no TV, and a phone with only limited calling distance so you can call for doctors and needed repairs. Mail is picked up and delivered once weekly. You can invite people to stay with you on the island, and they can come and go as they please, but as part of the deal you are not allowed to leave. Would you accept the offer?

Yes I would… took me a minute…only because of the internet part… funny how that is the only one that made me hesitate… but yes, I would… I could go back to sending letters and the simple life very easily…. the offer sounds very tempting actually, especially the solitude of it… and the option of having only the people I choose with me… it is absoltely inviting!!! Packing now

Loony: You have to perform at a talent show. You have 5 minutes to do whatever you’re going to do. What will it be?

Hmmm… a talent show, eh? In front of people??!!! Well considering my championship square~dancing career has long since been recorded into the books, and finding the whole group again would prove difficult…..if I had five minutes to do whatever….I would try my hand at comedy…sharing the funny details of being a Loony Mama and the things that come with it.  I mean really who else than a Mama can find humor in fishing in a toilet bowl full of pee at 6am for a missing toonie?! (cdn $2 coin).

Jeff:  You have a coworker that is purposely hurtful and demeaning to another but not to you. That  employee has complained to mgmt. to no avail, and you have backed them up. Would you feel compelled to do anything else and if so, why?

Yes, I would feel compelled to do something else because everyone deserves to be treated with a certain amount of respect.  There is really no reason to be disagreeable.  I can’t believe that would be a positive work environment to work in, with one co-worker cutting down another.

Chris: Your life partner detests one of your best friends, someone you love very much. Your friend’s reaction to this is a strong dislike for your partner. There is little chance either will change their views. What is your response?

Natural maturation has changed how I would respond to the situation you presented me.  Twenty years ago, if I had to make a choice, my loyalties would be with my partner - to a blind and unbalanced fault.  Now, I would expect more maturity from my partner and my friend.  Assuming both people had qualities I admired and loved, I would find my partner’s reaction immature and a sign of insecurity, therefore disappointing and unattractive.  Assuming I was committed to both relationships, my partner’s feelings would still pull rank over my friend’s, but I would continue to cultivate my relationship with the “detested friend” solo (not secretively), obviously resulting in less time spent with the friend than if my partner liked him/her.  Frankly though, at my current age (40s vs. 20s), I can’t imagine someone becoming my life partner if they detested one of my best friends.  Red flag.

Woodrow: Your best friend is in agony after suffering injuries in an accident she will never fully recover from. She begs you to help her end her life with dignity. Her family thinks any life is better than death, even if painful. Her doctors have done all they can, and can only offer her pain management. You are in a state which does not allow for assisted suicides. How do you respond to her plea?

I tell her that I will do what I can to help her, but that does not include inducing death.  I’m not strong enough for that.  There is no dignity in ending your life; you end up looking like a selfish asshole.  She’s not scared of dying; she’s scared of waiting to die.  I would assure her that nature will take its course, and I will be there to support her as much as humanly   possible.  If her body gives out, it gives out… it may be inevitable.  That is no reason to give up.  Suicide is the easy way out.  Is that how she would want to be remembered? As someone who was too scared to face death on its terms and sneaked out the back door?  The pain has been managed, so that there is still some quality of life.  Why not take that time to contribute something of a legacy.  Use what little time you have to give something back.  It’s better to be remembered as someone who contributed and did something great with their time than being remembered as someone who took the easy way out.

Corina: Name one movie, song, or book that you have really strong feelings about, and please explain why.

One movie that I have really strong feelings about is Dead Poet’s Society.  I can relate with so many of the characters.  I relate to Neil as I know what it is like to be a leader, but also know the feeling of being alone and depressed from not being heard.  I relate to Todd as I know what it is like to be insecure with my own talents.  I can  relate to Meeks because I am a science nerd.  I can relate to Charlie as I can get a little crazy/silly.  Finally, I can relate to Mr. Keating, as I know what it is like to stand in front of a class and ask them to “think outside the box.”  I know the initial resistance.  I know the pain, heartache, joy and success it can bring.  The movie is a wonderful coming to age story, an inspirational story of how education should be, but it also shows all the messy realities and ethical dillemmas of life.

Laura:  You are in a critical situation that requires you to make a snap judgment about someone’s character, but you may not speak to them. You can only look. Besides their eyes, what else would you look for and why?

I am guessing since you said “I cannot speak to them” that I do not have time to ‘listen’ to them either. So, with that said….if I had less than 5 minutes to sum up their character I would go with what I have learned over the last 45 years:  (I would rule out any white men first—sorry, but that has been MY experience) 1) What does my intuition tell me? 9 times out of 10 my inner voice tells me all I need to know (for that moment) if I take the time to listen.
2) How does this person carry themselves? Does she/he move calmly & quietly? Or quickly and assertively? I would go with calm/quiet. 3) And, I ALWAYS notice a persons hands. They speak volumes in silence. You said be brief and I don’t even know how to articulate this one. Georgia O’Keefe, Joan Baez & Oprah had/have spectacular hands.

Tash: One of your best friends is in financial straights & you are doing well. You give her $200 to help her catch up on bills. Instead, she buys a Lhaso Apso puppy. How would you respond, if at all?

I’d not respond at all at the time, because I can’t control someone else’s actions… but if she asked for financial help or complained about her financial situation to me ever again, I’d politely but firmly remind her she had chosen not to get herself our of the financial straights and she therefore had to take steps on her own to fix it. Sometimes even best friends have to hear the hard truth!

Jeanne: You have just been offered $20,000 to participate in a clinical trial for a weight loss drug. A possible side effect of the drug is permanent loss of your sex drive, but otherwise the worst side effects are minor and temporary. Would you participate and why?

I am an ISTJ and would definitely need more info. It would depend on how overweight I was - is my health in jeopardy?  What is the percentage of the side effect happening?  And, what is the success rate of the clinical trial? However, right now I am 40 pounds overweight, am putting my daughter through college by myself and have an extremely healthy sex drive….so yes, I would like to lose the weight and the $20,000 would go a long way in student loans.

Susan: For some reason you can’t explain, you do something completely out of character that you know is wrong — like shoplifting, or scratching a stranger’s car — but no one is the wiser. You know you’ll never do it again, but do you tell someone? If so, whom and why?

I know this sounds like a cop out but there is absolutely no way I can get past the first part of the question, lol, I guess the internal parent is too strong. The dread of living with the knowledge that I actually DID such a thing would be enough to keep me from doing so, because I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt!   I have accidentally scratched someone’s car with mine.  I stayed until the person came out and fessed up, lol.

Pat:  (borrowing a question Shelley asked me) With all that we have at our fingertips in the late-20th and 21st century I think we are lucky to live in the time we do, especially for women, but we do have a long way to go. If you could pick a time period (of the past, of course) to have lived, when would it be and why?

I cannot imagine living in a past time.  I am old enough to remember how oppressive it was for women only 47 years ago when I first married.  I don’t want to even imagine how difficult it was for the everyday woman in the past.  I am now way to spoiled by the ability to express myself and create myself in the model I invent for myself.  My destiny is mine, in my hands. I don’t think women of the past could have even dreamed of such a thing.

Kate: I’ve become somewhat acquainted with how you use social media on the internet, and it seems that you have a tendency to “friend” the friends of friends, even when their interests are quite different than your own. What is your rationale for doing this?

I see social media as a giant web of people, both connected and removed by their own acquaintances or “friends.” It’s navigation has been a learning experience for me. Initially I followed only a handful of people, thus becoming privy to their interactions with others. When those posts intrigued or interested me, I followed the participants. Sometimes I follow others,  learn that I don’t enjoy their posts, and then no longer follow. Recently I’ve auto-followed those who follow me, then vet them. If I cannot see the value—I AM SICK OF INTERNET AND SOCIAL MEDIA MARKETERS! – I no longer follow them.

Tresha: You’re a waitress with two young kids to support. One day at work, you get the customer from hell. There is no pleasing this person, and they have been rude to the point of bringing you to tears. The manager says to keep serving him. After the food has been returned for the 2nd time, you see the cook spit in it. Do you say anything, and if so to whom?

Having been a waitress, this happened often. Not the spitting part, the customer from hell part. What I would do:  say nothing. I’d play it safe and keep my job. As long as I’m doing my job, I am not at risk of losing it. My heart would wrench over this. But I’m not in charge of the cook, and the restaurant business depends more on the cook’s skills than mine. I can’t risk losing my job and don’t want to get into a gruff with the owner. That said, I would begin plotting another job because this wouldn’t sit well with me at all. Lesser of 2 evils. Morally, I’d be horrified over what the cook does, though I comprehend why he’d been pushed to the max. Too much risk involved if I say something. And too many unknowns based on your scenario. Please know: this response is simply based on my awareness of the domain of restaurants/mentality. . .I’ve had at least 5 waitressing jobs. . .the boss can’t afford to lose his cook. He can afford to replace me (waitresses on the rank of things are far lower).  I can’t risk losing the means to care for my kids. That said, knowing personally how much this would bother me, I’d start seeking another job and inevitably quit. But I don’t know what all kinds of options this woman has.