“When an elephant is in trouble, even a frog will kick her.” – Hindu Proverb
1. Strength
Among the first things noticed about an elephant girl is her incredible strength. She can shoulder the burdens and carry the weight of many human experiences, and do so with dignity, even when her threshold for pain is made to rise ever-higher.
The strength of an elephant girl is not just an accident of birth. What was innate was her desire to survive. To do that, she had to push beyond the limitations of her own considerable endurance many, many times. She had to develop new muscles and ways to rebirth her spirit after forging through man-made obstacles.
One by one, she had to face her fears and conquer them. When new tragedies brought new fears, she had to teach herself ways to calm her pounding heart and carry on, putting one foot in front of the other, until she had walked through the worst of circumstances and found herself on the other side.
“Strong,” they often called her. And when she was young, the elephant girl took pride in this accolade, perhaps even making it a mantra that assured her passage through a particularly trying time. I am strong, she would remind herself, I will get through this.
In those tender years, the elephant girl might have mistaken strength for invincibility. It is possible that, in the midst of her own turbulence, while filled with the all-encompassing sense of an indomitable spirit, she felt called upon, even obligated, to lift whatever weight she could from the backs of others who did not have her strength, or her strength of spirit, or her survival skills.
“So strong,” she would continue to hear in later years, but by now the elephant girl would recognize these words not as an inspiring accolade, but as a weary expectation. It was almost inevitable that those who would notice her strength were looking to use it in some measure. There was a cause, a want, or a need of some sort, which lacked only the strong back, keen intelligence, and steadfast determination of an elephant girl to carry it through.
2. Loyalty & Temperament
The elephant girls are fiercely loyal. They make friends for life, but they do not make them easily.
Given their intelligence, well-worn hearts, and long and precise memories, the elephant girls are not easily forgiving, particularly to those whose emotional and physical marks were imprinted upon them during their journeys. The scars of the ankus on the skin or the psyche are not resented as much as those who purposely inflicted them, without conscience, and without regard for consequences.
Particularly resented are those who brush away or justify the damage they caused by pointing out the elephant girl’s strength, as in “she’s strong, she can handle it,” or “look, whatever wrong I did only helped make her as strong as she is today.” To them, she will offer no loyalty and give no protection.
Those who have never had to rebirth a spirit many times over have no regard for the pain of that particular labor, or the dangers. A spirit may be broken beyond repair, or crushed beyond the possibility of rebirth. Not even the strongest and most determined of elephant girls are free from these dangers that, although rare, loom as possibilities — especially in later years when the ability to rebound is not as assured.
The elephant girl will use her considerable strength and intelligence to pull a friend up and out of whatever pit she has fallen into, and will expect nothing in return except the continuation of friendship. She finds thankful expressions among her friends unnecessary. What she has, she is often willing to lend or give away, and the only expressions of gratitude she ever requires are the ones she practices herself — loyalty, care, and consideration.
3. A Love of Peace
It is true that elephant girls often participate in or even lead a stampede, but they never do so for weak causes such as revenge or hatred. They do so for the love of peace.
They brook no respect for the fraudulent kind of peace some claim to receive by turning a blind eye to injustices. Ignorance of facts, intentions, and circumstances is not peace, and has no goodness at its core.
The peace of the elephant girls is born from the strength of their convictions, which holds truth, fairness, benevolence, and integrity as most-high. Refusing to fight for a just cause, or at least to stand strong in the face of adversity, are not the actions of peace-lovers — but the baneful responses of those who are weak, and apathetic to all but themselves.
The elephant girl has learned that the barricades to truth and healing are not removed solely upon a peaceful request. The swollen rivers of human malevolence and misdeeds are not parted by mere wishful thinking.
There are times when only the sheer force of strength and a survivalist’s determination will remove the barricades and dam the river, allowing passage to those who wish to reach the freeing fields that lie on the other side.
There are times when the precise and visceral memories of an elephant girl lead her to know more about a particular moment than the moment itself presents. It is not intuition but experience that informs the path of an elephant girl. She recognizes old obstacles even when they appear as new.
There are times when an elephant girl must retreat in order to heal or rebirth her spirit, but no matter how long she might wish to enjoy sanctuary — and even when she declares a desire to make it a permanent state — eventually she will hear a call that speaks to her heart and takes her back to the wilds. The nature of the elephant girl is as much about her love for humanity and justice as it is about the tranquility found when she has an opportunity to repose and reflect.
4. And Finally. . .
The elephant girl is capable of the deepest kind of love and nurturing, particularly when it comes to children, because even when she is very old the elephant girl cannot, and would not wish to, forget her own once-young spirit — which long past childhood and through many rebirths, retains all the radiant hopes, bright wishes, and idealistic dreams of youth.
As a mother, the elephant girl is fiercely protective, but also pushes her young to try new experiences. She lends them her strength while helping them grow strong on their own. She guides and counsels, and rarely dictates, except when necessary to save her children from imminent and avoidable danger.
As a life partner, the elephant girl will constantly surprise you, not only because her loyalty is unwavering and her heart is continuously growing, but because in-between and even in the midst of triumphs and tragedies, the elephant girl has a childlike love of play. Strength alone did not get her through the roughest of times. Intellect and reasoning did not, of their own accord, bring her a sense of happiness. It was the ability to laugh — out loud and with the full strength of her being — that kept her survival instinct strong and helped her soul eclipse even the most painful of journeys.
The freeing fields on the other side of human discord reverberate with her laughter. Her all-encompassing spirit is at its best when roaming freely and without limitation, as it does when she is surrounded by the consonant spirits of those she loves.
There, on the other side, scars are not forgotten, but reinvented as works of art. The pain and tribulation of days past are not buried, but pulled up and transformed into wisdom.
The frogs who would kick her stand not a chance when the elephant girl soars.
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Well, thanks to Rosie O’Donnell, I ended up here.
When I was little, about 3-5, my mom used to always say to people, “Oh, this one here…she has the memory of an elephant.” I had no idea what that meant…and would just picture an elephant in my mind…and then wonder what an elephant would have to “remember.”
Thank you for “reminding me” with this beautiful writing…that I am and always have been an Elephant Girl. I am just coming out of yet another period of “santuary and retreat” and ready again…to do and be all that it means to be an Elephant Girl…again…
My mother had no idea…that I had more than the memory.
Beautiful! Thank you. And then there are those who are not elephant girls who demean and torture those who are simply because they are not.
relly loved it
thanks ro 4 heads up
Well Jane,
Another beautiful thought provoking, extremely powerful article.
I would imagine that most women who read about the “elephant girl” can and will look back and reflect on how this story relates to their life and days gone bye.
I did. Thank you for helping to bring out the elephant girl in all of us.
~K~
beautiful. just beautiful.
kris –
most notably, the daughter of an elephant girl
I sure try to be like an Elephant Girl, but sometimes it is VERY difficult. I will say i am fiercely loyal to those i love, but, sometimes it is nice if those , you are loyal to, can give it back a bit, if needed. M, K, and A, have been sooo supportive , but i have had to back away, and let my heart heal a bit, DO I talk in riddles?/ i’m sorry.
A tear just popped out of my eye.
THANK YOU!!!
wow. that sounds just like me. i think i’ll start a collection of elephants. i agree with some of the comments above, that is not easy being an EG. There are consequences sometimes, but I would never change a thing. Thanks Rosie for this link.
as I read this, not knowing if this was a book excerpt or what….I became increasingly agitated
You see I am an EG, I have been one my entire life. I comforted my mother as early as age 2 (she tells the story fondly)
I wish I was a stronger EG when it came to others hurting me. Almost without exception I have let people repeatedly hurt me. Always thinking they will appreciate me and be as loyal to me as I am to them. (which will never, ever happen) and Yet….
They all want me to take care of EVERYTHING. I am not exaggerating. But when it is convienient to blame an EG or abandon one because THEY would never have given of themselves the way an EG does, THATs an EG’s own fault for doing too much, they will. (abandon and blame)
Do not get me wrong. I am not bitter, at age 44 I have learned this is my role in this world and after taking little breaks, I must go back out there, it is what defines me. If I didnt, it would be like a superhero refusing to use her powers, when she can do so, so effortlessly and it makes such a big difference. (sound over the top?) (perhaps it is)
I want to thank you so much for writing this. Not for validating me, I did that a long time ago, but for letting me know, I belong to a herd. That I did not know.
With love, strength, and gratitude
I will now go get my first tatoo. an Elephant Girl
Thank you
Tobie2/Susan EG
ROSIE… I PRINTED A COPY AND WILL POST IT ON MY DESK AND READ IT WHENEVER THE WAVES OF HURT AND SADNESS ENGULF ME. I AM PROUD TO SAY I AM AN ELEPHANT GIRL. I AM 46 YEARS OLD AND MY SKIN FEELS WEARY AT TIMES BUT DAMN IT!!!! I WILL FOREVER HOLD MY TRUNK UP HIGH!!!!!!!
Oh my that was an amazing thing to read, I felt like I was reading about myself. Thank you for sharing that with us. Elephant girl, I had no idea!!
Wonderful piece. Because of Ro I have another strong Ray of Yellow….
Deeply moving. Thank you.
My mom and dad both tried desperately to remove the EG and the lesbian from me, thru physical and emotional abuse. I turned to alcohol and drugs to forget that pain. That was long ago, I’m 51 and still standing. The more I learn, the wiser I become, and anchored in my soul is that little girl who believed in herself despite of what she was shown or told. The void that was my soul has been filled with the joy and happiness only an EG will ever know. Thanks for sharing!
Linda
I’ve always felt an inexplicable bond to these big beautiful creatures. Please read more about the elephant girls of Tennessee and what’s being done to preserve these brave creatures; and the remarkeble reunion of Shirley and Barbara after a 22yr separation.
http://www.elephants.com/bios.htm
I am in the middle of my retreat, and on the verge of yet another rebirth. This piece came to my attention at precisely that moment it needed to. I am going to print and carry this piece in my wallet. I will pull it out each and every time I need to be reminded what I am made of, the battles I have fought and won, and the determination that lies in my soul. Thank you for sharing this powerful message!!!!
Thank you so much for such a beautiful article. I am second generation EG, and will continue to proudly hold my trunk high. Now I will go back and copy the article and reread it every time that frog kicks me! Thank you for laying it out so beautifully!
Thanks for the link Ro. I now know what my next tattoo will be.
OMG!!!!!!!!!!! Truely amazing and I thank you for this…I can’t begin to describe how i feel about this article…but Thankyou
I think i just met myself …
I am trying desperately to find my “ability to laugh- out loud and with the full strength of her being…”
I am blessed to have EG sisters that are sharing their “considerable strength and intelligence to pull” me to safety.
I come from a long line of EGs and I will heal my spirit and show my E daughter the EG way.
So much to respond to, and I don’t want to get long winded, but that childlike spirit you have mentioned Jane, that is where the ability to trust, and the desire to trust, stems from, along with the continued ability to love.
To Tobie2, should you happen to read this, pls. know you are not alone. I hear you, I walk a similar road. An open heart is easily wounded, and can be a target, but a closed heart will never know everything we do.
I am proud to be an elephant girl, scars and all!
In the 1970′s, when the Roberta Flack song “Killing Me Softly” played on the radio, many women’s souls were touched by the lyrics:
…He sang as if he knew me
In all my dark despair
And then he looked right through me
As if I wasn’t there
But he was there this stranger
Singing clear and strong
Strumming my pain with his fingers
Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song
Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly with his song…
People felt Ms. Flack was singing to them, about them, for them.
So too has Jane Devin touched my soul today. She has knowingly or unknowingly written my life, my experience, my feelings through “In Praise of the Elephant Girls.” Herein lies what I could never fully express. Within these beautiful, thoughtful and succinctly descriptive words lies me. I am an Elephant Girl. And I am now compelled to send this to my Mother in the albeit naive hope that she will read this and have a clearer understanding of me, her daughter. Of who I am and what I feel. I have the strongest need for her to “get me” if not totally accept me, before she dies. Something inside tells me this piece just might accomplish this feat. For that, I thank you Ms. Devin. I admire your insight, your compassion and your ability to put into words such depth, honesty and feeling. As I wipe the tears that are dripping from my chin, I am now, and will forever be, grateful to you.
Yours in Peace,
~Kelli-Marie
Another Elephant Girl
(Thank You to Rosie O’Donnell for the link)
Jane….Jane…Jane;
You have done it again… I am overwhelmed by the depth of my connection to this piece. Such a gift you have and how wonderful to see all these comments. I appreciate you so much. Thank you sweet Jane.
CeCe: I use to collect elephants; I think I will start again, just as a reminder of who I am.
Tobie2/Susan: I get it… you are not alone!
Oh my can you imagine all of us together out there in full force…. the possibilities are endless.
Sending love, prayers and peace! Everyday “we” climb a mountain! I thank the Prayer of St. Francis that got me through: “Love instead of being loved” and “Understand instead of being understood”. Then, I think of the old spiritual: “Nobody’s know’s the trouble I’ve seen…nobody knows but, Jesus. ” But, Hey! What would “Annie” say: “The sun will come up tomorrow, tomorrow…bet your bottom dollar!” Or, as my mom used to say: “Shut up and deal!”
Fascinating article, and more fascinating when I looked up the meaning of Ganesh….the Hindu elephant god that is tattoed on the girl’s back in the picture. From Wikipedia,
***Ganesha is widely revered as the Remover of Obstacles[10] and more generally as Lord of Beginnings and Lord of Obstacles (Vighnesha, Vighneshvara),[11] patron of arts and sciences, and the deva of intellect and wisdom.[12] He is honoured at the start of rituals and ceremonies and invoked as Patron of Letters during writing sessions.[13] Several texts relate mythological anecdotes associated with his birth and exploits and explain his distinct iconography.
Ganesha is Vighneshvara or Vighnaraja, the Lord of Obstacles, both of a material and spiritual order.[84] He is popularly worshipped as a remover of obstacles, though traditionally he also places obstacles in the path of those who need to be checked. Paul Courtright says that “his task in the divine scheme of things, his dharma, is to place and remove obstacles. It is his particular territory, the reason for his creation.”***
Someone else here said they knew they were placed here for this purpose. I think there are people who have a calling, and I have been blessed to know several removers of obstacles.
Thank you Jane and Rosie for giving a sanctuary to the elephant girls!
BG and DT give frogs a bad name
Grateful
to be in the sisterhood
(through Ro too)
Peace, Light, and Love
This is such an inspiring piece.
My grandmother taught me without even knowing it to be an EG. But we here in the South she was known as a Steel Magnolia. That quiet strength that is unbendable, honed from the burdens endured and survived.
I saw myself so much in this article, just as so many others have said. Even at 55 I am still going thru the rebirth and renewal of my spirit. Someone once said my laughter was like a thousand peacock eggs being laid one at a time; loud, infectious, constant.
If all EGs united, what a force we would be!
Thanks so much for making me realize just how many of us there really are. There is strength in numbers, especially when there is strength in each individual that makes up those numbers.
As always, thanks to Ro for sending me to yet another place where I can find peace, solice and comaradarie.
That’s it! Finally an explanation for my life with all its ups and downs. It gives me hope that I will again come out on the other side.
Thanks so much for this article, I had no idea. Don’t know where you find this great stuff Ro, but again thanks for the enlightenment.
Wow. I’m a gay boy, but I prefer the company of elephant girls. All my best friends through life have been elephant girls as long as I can remember.
Allies in peace!
Thank you to Rosie O’Donnell of course for the link and again, enlightenment.
I’m an elephant girl too…but couldn’t have said it better. Being an elephant doesn’t have to be an insult.
Wow, I am swallowing back the tears, I now see that I am not alone, I too am an elephant girl at 47, hurt too many times to count but I keep on going. Thank you for the writing and thanks to the others whose comments made me feel I’m not alone.
I ended up here because of Rosie’s link, but I found you first through what was posted on Roseanne’s forum. This is an incredibly insightful and thought provoking post. I am absolutely in love with Sri Ganesha, and see his influence here. I think Rosie definitely is an elephant girl. Thanks again for another inspiring article.
Oh Jane,
I don’t know how on earth you do it,
but this was the perfect thing for me today,
just the right medicine.
I see it was for many others as well.
Really beautiful Jane. Thank you again.
Beautifully written. Thank you, Rosie, for putting the link on your blog. I, too, am a supporter of The Elephant Sanctuary and have learned so much about how elephants are so much like people. Especially the female elephants.
http://www.elephants.com
Wonder why it’s “Elephant Girl” and not,” Elephant Woman”. Mostly the “Elephant Girl” is discussed in her maturity. There are references to her childhood, but clearly she’s in adulthood. Personally, I wish there was a description of her in OLD age as she faced death, as I am 67. I was able to maintain the optimism that EGs have until my health broke at 63 when I developed a blood disorder (because of over work) and then I had 2 failed surgeries (5 surgeries to date to correct the knee replacement). I am in a wheelchair now. I became depressed at some point and it has taken more than several years to get over it. Although I have known that I would die someday since early childhood, I had only dealt with it intellectually. During these medical procedures, I experienced physical collapse emotionally—directly, intimately, as close as my breath—and I panicked. I had made plans back in my 40’s to relax and embrace death as a new, exciting experience. When I thought that I was dying—I went “tilt” and went into survival mode. Now, maybe my body knew I really wasn’t dying and knew that fear was the best and most appropriate emotion for me at that moment, I lost confidence in my emotional maturity, my spiritual awareness. I am reading what I can find on how others have moved through this primitive fear of death to peace and serenity. I scare my friends when I talk about my fear. People say. “Oh, don’t talk that way—let’s do something to take our minds off that!” Thank God for my domestic partner of 38 years who takes my little girl in her arms and comforts her even though I know that “there is one dance you must do alone.”
good stuff….
My Dear Jane,
Your link came at the perfect time!
I needed to be soothed and inspired, and your words reminded me that my work improves the lives of others and brings goodness to the world. Lest I grow weary, I shall not forget my role because the image of the elephant girl is now indelibly imprinted on my mind.
I am grateful.
I thank you.
An amazingly insightful article–came on Rosie O’Donnell’s recommendation. She never fails to enlighten or direct us to places/people that will. It seems many E.G.’s have crossed my path and been my friends–may you all be so lucky.
I am so thankful to Ro for sending me here. Wonderful to read this beautiful article and all the postings from my sisters and brothers — thank God for each one of you – I am blessed to have read this piece and all of your comments and to the wonderful men who have posted, you are most likely Elephant Men – I’ve known many of you and am thankful for that. Elephant Girl, Elephant Woman, Elephant Boy, Elephant Man — united in our ability to move forward no matter what — and so strong when we are as one!! Go Elephant People!
To know that I am not alone in being an EG and that I actually belong to a “herd” is making me cry out loud with such love in my heart. I am turning 60 in two weeks and have always known that elephants have held such a place in my heart/sole from a very very young age. I too have been disappointed in friends/family who take and take and do not return, but now I know the reason why I harbor no ill will and always will be there for them. I have always been able to see the glass 3/4 full even in the most sad of occasions and there have been many. My loving thanks for writing this and I too will print it out and carry with me the rest of my days. Much love to you all……
So that’s why the elephant is my favorite animal. I ‘ve always known that there was “just something about them.” This kind of explains it.
Mahalo, Jane and Rosie…
From the depths of this Elephant Girl’s heart.
Peace, love & hope-
A beautiful piece of writing…..and not just for women. We all need to read it. Thanks….richard
Inspiring and as I think of myself too as elephant girl, I only stumble once in the reading of this. And that is only to say it is not always weakness to turn from a fight, in fact it may take more strength to turn away sometimes. Knowing whoever would stand to the fight against me, is also human if not so strong.
I would have stayed where I was if I were to continue fighting, but as in Linda Petty’s beautiful response, the body said no, and the heart said no as well. A coworker said, don’t let them win. But in this case I had to ask myself, why not? I am just stepping away from their fight not my own. They will pride themselves on winning and I will wonder why they go on fighting.
Susan, thank you. It should have read “refuse to fight for a just cause”, and has been corrected. – Jane
Thank you Ro for sending us to this site – thank you Jane for such wonderful words…my heart is full!
SO DEEPLY TOUCHED MY HEART AND SOUL.
I wish to relay this true story that I first heard Paul Harvey relay many years ago and have seen in print since.
On a large animal reserve in Africa,an elephant calf was injured by a tiger and although the herd had not had any interaction with the ranger station before, several of the adult females ushered the injured calf many miles to the ranger station for help. While the rangers and vets tried to save the calf, the females lingered several hundred yards from the station for several days. On the fifth day, following the death of the calf, the female elephants encircled the mother of the calf, trumpeted loudly for a long period of time, and each cried REAL TEARS.
Special animal species….Oh yes.
Peace ya’ll, Mel (EG).
My baby sister Julie sent this to me. I believe that we are both elephant girls. Because of and in spite of how we were brought up. Love you baby sister.
Jane, this is about Hillary, isn’t it?
I thought of a couple of strong women when I wrote this, Susan. Hillary came to mind, especially when I found the quote about the frogs, because I believe the attacks on her have been horrendous but no, she wasn’t the main inspiration, although in my view she certainly has some of the traits. – Jane
I would like to think I am an Elephant Woman. I had three kids, was a single parent. Cared for both my parents at home until they passed. After that I cared for my disabled sister at home until I could no longer do it and she is now in a nursing home. I gave up my living space so my kids and theirs could have a home. Many times I have thought what a luxury it would be to have a breakdown. Especially during menopause! And when my parents passed. But I have realized that I am a survivor, and I, like my own mother will forge ahead and tell myself I am strong enough, that I will believe it and do what needs to be done in my life to get through. I am not saying I am special, but I am saying looking back over the years, I am stonger and wiser than I think I am at times. But I had a good role model. My mother was my hero.
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