Spellbound in front of the television set at eight, nine years old, I’d watch the thick-thighed women of roller derby growl, sweat, and scuffle their way around the track, flying their opponents into the rails with a body slam or, when the referees weren’t watching, by the hair. Much of it was choreographed, like WWWF wrestling, but the WWWF only occasionally featured female matches as a token, whereas roller derby was dominated by women. Unlike the waifish and highly-stylized punk Suicide Girls of today, the roller derby queens of the 1970′s earned their smeared mascara and torn stockings the hard way.
I’d lace up my white, metal-wheeled skates and race myself around the blocks of Valmar Place and Severn Drive, pretending to be a jammer making my way through the pack and around the rink, occasionally having to elbow Dee Bauchery or Shirley Trample out of my way.
Outside of the Olympics and occasional gymnastic or ice skating championships, female athletes were mostly invisible in the 1970′s. The wealthier girls in my neighborhood might have taken dance lessons, but the closest most of us got to any sort of organized athletics was tether ball or softball at school. Women’s roller derby was over-the-top and theatrical, but it also showed that women could be strong, competitive, and successful, even if — especially if — they weren’t cute, 88 pound pixies.
I was a little disappointed when a roller derby movie, Kansas City Bomber, came out in 1972 starring Raquel Welch. I thought I’d prefer someone like Ali McGraw, who was both tomboyish and beautiful, but Raquel’s athleticism surprised me. I later found out that she did most of her own stunts for the film.
I recently learned that roller derby, in all its theatrical, punk-feminist glory, has been revived, and that there are almost 300 roller derby leagues currently playing around the nation. Why did this have to happen now, when I’m about two decades removed from my prime? I so would have joined in my twenties. I could have been Jamie Demolition according to this roller derby name generator. I could have been somebody. I could have been a contender.
Dreams die hard, but it’s nice to know that roller derby lives on for the next generation of rough and tumble girls.
So what would your roller derby name be?
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
At last, someone writes about the amazing world of roller derby! I have become a fan of modern-day derby and went into some serious DT’s last year when our local team took a season off. There is nothing so juicy as sitting in the front row, anticipating the rush of air as the pack sweeps by, one hand on your beer just…in…case…
The roller derby generator has been good to me. Depending on the position, I got the following:
Amazon Cantankerous (Jammer)
Agony Destruction (Pivot)
I like ‘em. I’m going to needlpoint them on a pillow and start introducing myself in meetings that way.
I, too, am past any real kind of roller derby participation, but girl, let’s just live large in the knowledge that we coulda kicked some serious ass.
Well, for a crip who has broken bones easily from 4th grade and probably wouldn’t do this, my names are:
Blocker — Barbie Agony (?)
Jammer — Jamie Blackbeast
Pivot — Pattie Naughty
However, my Bible reading, women’s Bible class teacher for years and crazy lover of wrasslin’ mother (only time she didn’t have needlework in her hands, she was beating on the arm of her rocking chair, honest to god!), she loved the roller derby and didn’t miss it or the wrasslin’.
When asked what job I have on forms, I call myself a “domestic goddess” so I must say I prefer Wicked Thistle’s “Amazon Cantakerous” to any of mine. Barbie Agony just is too poofy. We ALL have known for years that Barbie has been in agony with those HUGE breasts and teeny, tiny waist, not counting the made up eyes. It’s redundant.
Allie Catraz, blocker, reporting for rink duty ma’am!
You brought back some memories with this one Jane. I haven’t thought about roller derby for years!
Beelza-Babe VonCarnage
Now is that a hot name or WHAT?
Princess Demolition….
i was a huge fan of Shirley Hardman of the LA T-birds….we watched every weekend, and had a little memorial when she died tragically.
a friend of mine tried out for a portland team. almost made it!
I like Elaine’s name! Want to trade, Elaine? Mine was Babs Buster.
I know two bloggers who are active participants in the roller derby circuit, and they seem to love the athleticism and the bonding that goes on. The 70′s roller derby seemed to be more for the male audience, while the current one is completely focused on the female participants. Maybe you would be a good roller derby coach!
I remember Roller Derby! And i even knew it had revived, but I’m a little concerned…
as a “Blocker” I’m now “BendOver Apocalypse” Really!
Think I’ll try another position, ahem.
“Daisy Troublesome-Ace Jammer” Now that’s more like it. Sorry for the repetitive comments, but, hey-that’s what you asked for!
LOL. Doris. BendOver Apocalypse has a ring to it!
I think “Wicked Thistle” would be an AWESOME roller derby name, too.
Beelza VonCarnage is especially funny because Elaine is a super-sunshine-y, sweet woman.
I see Neil was too chicken to try on a roller derby name. I’ll do the honors and name him Nasty Nell.
There is actually a roller derby team in my Big 12 college town! They had a booth set up at a recent college event and wondered if I was interested. I am way past the time to join, but it was nice to be asked. As you can imagine, I’m also a little “thick in the thighs!”
I think I might take up one of my roller derby names as a new screen name:
Blocker -Alice ExterminateHer
Jammer – Jamie DaJammer
Pivot – Patty TheDagger
Coming soon to a blog near you!
Blocker – Assassin Subversion
Jammer – Duncan AssassinateHer
Pivot – AssWhuppin’ BruiseHer
Ok I’m gonna guess that the s’s in my real name had something to do with ASS in every single position name but seriously I could get a complex or something!!
Also I’ve now had this song stuck in my head for the past 24 hours: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9CHAMbfZ6A All together now . . .
Rollerderby? I am going to start introducing myself to everyone as Bitter DaMachineGun. It might stop my patients from asking annoying quetions.
I watched roller derby every saturday as a kid. I SO wanted to participate when I grew up. I loved the toughness as those women would get knocked down, get up again and get EVEN! They were strong female role models when there were few, especially those of us that were tomboys. I have to admit I like the fact that SusanS has ASS in all of her names – I want THAT!
Blocker – Andie Fire-Eater (not bad – kinda HOT)
Jammer – Ann Belligerent (yes, I suppose that would fit at times)
Pivot – Annie DaHandGrenade (an explosion held in check)
Blocker – Janie Von DaButcher Knife! The Derby Dolls are here in California and if it wasn’t for the broken bones…..man ‘o man. But, I just not down with pain.
Tammie, I’m kind of digging Patty TheDagger.
Susan, LOL. There’s even two asses in each of the first two names. I’ll know what part to cover if we’re ever in the rink together.
Teri, I’m with you on that. I think a last name of Demolition would be a little more effective than Devin.
Anne, yep, they always got back up and gave it a little bit more. I’d love to track down one of those women for an interview.
Jeanne, my daughter just told me there’s a game here in Mpls. soon! We’re going together — how much fun will that be?
It’s not Roller Derby but, there is a great documentary about women wrestlers from the 50′s & 60′s called, “Lipstick & Dynamite, Piss & Vinegar: The First Ladies of Wrestling.” You might find it interesting.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0412919/
Hey Jane – I will be in St. Paul that weekend – am going to try to get tickets for Sarah and I to attend. Maybe we could actually meet in person!?! I think it sounds like a blast!
Thanks, Teri. Anne, maybe! Have to see when and what the daughter wants. It does sound like a blast.
I think as a little girl what I remember most about the RD women were how tough they were and how it was ok to be that way. There is something very freeing as a little girl to be able to identify with women who are not needing to be saved like Cinderella, & Snow White. It kind of balanced out some of my influence seeing them skate around and knock the crap out of each other. Although I have to say that Billie Jean King was much more empowering for me. I think even at an early age I didn’t deal with anger too well and would completely avoid it if I could. There was enough anger in my home that I really needed happier things to watch. I wish now that I would of been able to express more of it then. It probably would of changed my life.
As to my RD name???? Since I can’t skate, and as much as I tried as a kid never could learn, I’d probably just be “Roadkill Momma” Nobody would have to knock me down because I would fall and then they would all run over me.
Jane – that sounds like a ton of fun! I talked to the Derby Dolls when I was at a tattoo convention (no – none yet) and they sooooo tried talking me into trying it out… no way.
I think I could get my daughter to go to a derby with me…..I like your thinking!
The Killer Kegel
Ha ha ha
That was funnny, Julia!
Ha, V! I’m thinking Vixen should be in there somewhere.
Jeanne, I threaten to get a tattoo every once in awhile, but I think it would be like hanging art on a bad wall.
My nephew in Chicago’s 7th grade teacher is a big Roller Derby queen. She’s new to the school this year and tried to keep her side career on the down-low but word got out. Instead of causing any problems, it radically increased her street cred with the students and faculty!
P.S. My roller derby name is Angry AnnihateHer. Eww, makes me sound like a crazed misogynist!
I might embrace Swivel Hips or Thunder Thighs, monikers applied by my 6th grade male classmates when my bodaciousness burst forth long before they had to worry about any little thing popping up.
Duncan AnnihalateHer — Jammer
And you gotta admit … hoo doggy, Raquel was happenin’ in that movie!
Mary Misery? That’s what some kids called me in school anyway.
i was just at a roller derby match in st. paul… it was high-energy and fun. a lil hardcore.
i am currently on the work laptop and the name generator is blocked WTF (sunday)!!
i’m sure my name would be: Crista From The Block.
i’m sure of it.