Profile in Passion: Pamela Detlor, Taking a Creative Turn
August 10th, 2008
Seven years ago, Pamela Detlor survived four accidents in a two year span of a time. The accidents left her in pain and with a mountain of debt, but she continued to work as a manager in the aerospace industry until she lost her job in 2007 due to cutbacks.
Depleting her retirement account and subsisting on unemployment, Detlor continued to search for work until 2008 when she was struck by crippling leg pain. In and out of hospitals and clinics since then, she recently received a tentative diagnosis of osteoporosis – a wearing-away of bone mass that can cause unexpected fractures due to fragility. Detlor is 39 years old.
A fiery redhead with a sharp mind and a quick smile, Detlor was determined not to make misfortunes and pain the primary focus in her life. Instead, she turned toward the arts she had been practicing since she was a child, and decided to make them a career instead of a hobby.
“It started when I wanted a dog, and my mom said we couldn’t have one because we lived in an apartment. I found an old Sears boot box, took my watercolors out, and painted the neighbor’s cocker spaniel. My mother was shocked by the accuracy of that painting, and although we were dirt poor, she worked out a deal with an artist, a former German baroness, to give me and my sister lessons. She was amazing. We studied with her for nine years.” In addition to drawing and painting, Detlor took up photography as a child, when her mother gifted her with a Kodak Instamatic camera.
“I loved that camera!” says Detlor, a prolific shutterbug who, while working conventional jobs to pay the rent, also worked on occasional assignments with Maybelline, Redken, Ford Models, and various musicians and bands over the past two decades.
As a child who felt like something as an outcast being raised on the tony shores of Prince Edward Island, Detlor found escape and refuge in art, photography, music, and writing – all of which her mother strongly encouraged.
Conventional jobs may have made it easier to pay the rent, but Detlor’s soul was in the arts. In 2003, she returned to college to receive a certificate in creative writing from the University of Toronto. Studying under author Marnie Woodrow, Detlor completed her first novel, which she is currently polishing up so it can be shopped for publication. She also does occasional interviews for LoveGirls, an online magazine located in the United Kingdom.
As a photographer, Detlor’s popularity is beginning to grow, particularly in music circles. Most recently, she has worked with the House of Glamma and the band Stars Down. In addition, Detlor continues to paint and draw, and is looking for more opportunities to show her work.
Like many women with diverse interests and driving passions, Detlor has been called “too much” by those prefer pigeon holes to wide open exploration. And like most passionate women, she’s more given to flying than to sitting still, waiting for someone, somewhere, to open the cage.
In Her Own Words:
My whole life I’ve been too much of something or another. I’ve been called too confrontational for standing up for others and myself. I’ve been told, many times, it’s not your fight – stay out of it. I can’t do that – I can’t stand by and watch anyone being bullied. I spent my childhood being bullied and I got to a place (about 11 years old and 5 feet tall) where I simply refused to take it anymore. I will always use my voice against injustice.
I’ve also been accused of being “too go it alone.” A boss once told me I had to learn to delegate and not shoulder all the responsibility of life and work by myself. This pattern of behavior came from a lifetime of being let down by some people who were supposed to protect me. It is a survivor’s defense mechanism to become strong and self-sufficient. This trait allowed me great career success in leadership positions, but it did not do much for my personal world. Life became a much nicer experience after I learned to allow others to help me up when I’m down.
The most frequent thing I hear is that I am “too honest.” But if I’m asked a question I will answer it honestly. My ex-girlfriend said to me, at the time she was dumping me in an e-mail, “You are the things you say!” I believe it was meant as a slam. Though the breakup was a devastating time, I did agree with her comment. I am exactly the things I say! I will say, “I love you” in public if that is the emotion that comes over me when I look into the eyes of someone I love. I’m not talking about making a scene, but a gentle truth between two people. I tell the truth – I always have. It can make others uncomfortable at times. It cost me a relationship – or perhaps – it awarded me my authenticity. Regardless, I will never dishonor my truth for the sake of another.
Right now, Detlor’s truth is a mix of pain and pleasure. It’s a cane that’s needed to walk, and seemingly endless doctor’s visits – but it’s also soaring heights of creativity and bright, bright hopes for the future. It’s a wide-open world, full of depth and beauty, and there’s not a cage in the world that can contain it, or hide it from the eyes of an artist.
Links:
Pamela Detlor, The Thought Vox
21 Responses to “Profile in Passion: Pamela Detlor, Taking a Creative Turn”
Little Sun August 11th, 2008 at 8:12 am #
Having read some tasty bits of Pamela’s writing, I can’t wait for the novel!
Pammy, as always, your passion for living life fully and your determination to meet life’s ups and downs with gentleness, love, and hope are an inspiration. Though this article is quite lovely, it can’t begin to contain the woman I’ve just begun to get to know. Missing is your willingness to embrace others, fully, rough edges and all; all those you’ve taken under your wing and nurtured; your unflagging desire to find the silver lining in the darkest of times … and much much more…
Alexis August 11th, 2008 at 8:13 am #
Pamela is an inspiring person! The unexpected twists of fate really demonstrate how life shows us a variety of paths to walk down but it takes courage for us to choose the more interesting ones.
susan August 11th, 2008 at 8:16 am #
This article accurately depicts Pam’s spirit- unwavering in conviction and the pursuit of the arts. Her amazing ability to stress the comedic amidst the tragic is one of her most endearing qualities- a testiment to her spirituality.
Sue August 11th, 2008 at 8:28 am #
It is SO inspiring to know this universe has such a creative, empathic, STRONG force of goodness and compassion as Pammy is actively “BEing”. What an incredible role- model for those who are questioning their own life’s “trials and tribulations”.. which do sometimes try to de-rail our dreams and goals. Pammy’s artwork is truly stunning, both photographs and drawings are BURSTING with elements that capture one’s eye, and actually engages the viewer to truly SEE and “feel” the raw and real forces of life. Yep.. I am quite excited to be knowing there is MORE of “the essence of Pamela” looming on the horizon!
Grange Lady Haig Rutan August 11th, 2008 at 8:44 am #
Of all the girls that I’ve known, and I’ve known some, without a doubt, baring none, Pamela Detlor has an elan, panache, wisdom which defies description and a joi de vivre that brings enlightenment 24/7…and I haven’t even met her in person. However, after reading this superb article I salute the author and my love for her runs deep, as well, because, all too often words, after the fact, are left unsaid, not so in this instance.
As a world weary bebopper, who spent over 15 years writing about the man who raped me, I married, and escaped from after 8 weeks, I find it absurd, as the woman he married after me, he murdered. Never thinking I was abused, just glad I wasn’t murdered, I did what my agent told me to do, ‘You need friends…you need a myspace account.”
I thought he was crazy, but, after the launch of Death of a Bebop Wife, the biography of Al Haig, the chosen pianist of Charlie Parker, Dizzy Gillespie, innovators of bebop, at The Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas, at AJ’s, one of the first people I met was Pamela Detlor.
At that time she was still in the aerospace industry, caught in the freeze-frame of reality and not able to devote more than pockets of time to her writing and art, balancing, as only she can, 24/7, her photography and music as well.
She had a savvy strut to her greeting the day even though she was riding a bus at dawn through smog filled windows. I found her intelligent upbeat humor always laced with a straight-ahead honest mojo not heard often in my world. I told her I needed some promo for a gig I was doing and, as I admired her writing, I asked if I could contract her for the piece even though it would take time away from the day to day reality of life.
I was interviewed and, as she had read my book, she said she knew me and we began the beguine. I can only tell you that from that piece, her perspective was so daring and alive I became a spokesperson for the murdered girl: The Voice of Bonnie and spoke at Babyland at Newark Museum’s Domestic Violence Program.
In spite of trauma, tragedy, health problems, Pam is such a stand up faceless friend, I consider her a “sister” in the true sense of the word.
As a woman who proudly admits to a foot fetish, no longer having Betty Grable legs, Ester William’s arches and the hammer toes and bunions of dancer Ann Miller, I carry my stilettos in a bag to put on when I reach the table, not so with Detlor; even in pain she wears them and struts her savvy strut.
Nobody does it better than today’s “Glamma_ Girl Pam.
Grange Lady Haig Rutan
Jill August 11th, 2008 at 9:40 am #
I have only known Pamela for a short time mainly by correspondence and once spoke to her on the phone.
In this short time I have summed her up as a wonderful strong human being. She forgets about her own pains and problems and whole-heartedly puts everything into helping and reassuring others. Her natural talents are out there for all to see. She is a truly amazing woman and deserves to be recognized for it. If only there were more people around like her. This world would be a better place for it.
Gia August 11th, 2008 at 9:46 am #
I’ve only “met” Pamela through computer conversations…and in my opinion, this article is dead on accurate. My impression of Pam is a woman of strength and courage, and amazing creativity! I’m so glad you did a piece on Pam! She is a wonderful woman and I enjoyed reading more about her story!!!
Joey August 11th, 2008 at 9:48 am #
“single Tear”
Pamela at this point in my life has been the only person I have ever met who has kept me grounded and calls me on bull shit. It is so good to have a person who doesn’t just have you around because it suites them but has you around because they truly love you.
This year has been a huge challenge for her, and it bares me the great honor to be there for her when she needs me; be it going to the store for a can of coke or making sure her too poose’s are feed, because some days it is just to much for her to travel to the kitchen to feed them.
Thank you Pam for being such Goddess in my Life!
Thank you Jane for yet another amazing Piece of written art!
Glamma August 11th, 2008 at 10:02 am #
There is a point in our lives when we meet a person so pure and true of heart and soul that we are blessed. I consider myself VERY blessed to have this amazing woman as part of my world, and part of my life. I thank the heavens every day that I have her around. GREAT article Jane, and thank you for sharing her with the world. If it wasn’t for Pam, the House of Glamma would just be a shack.
Lesley August 11th, 2008 at 10:05 am #
This is a terrific article on Pam and it says it all about her. She is a great spirit. I am so happy to call her a friend, I wouldn’t change a thing about her!
Connie August 11th, 2008 at 10:08 am #
Pamela Detlor’s zest for life shines through from her very soul. She pours her entire being into everything she does. Wether it be her art, or standing up to injustice being done to people, or our four legged friends. Pam is a passionate and compassionate woman. A Survivor, finding good, where many others only see only despair. She says what she means and does what she says she will do. Pamela is truly a diamond in the rough, who has only begun to shine.
I am honored to call her friend.
Connie
jake August 11th, 2008 at 10:20 am #
for 26 years, i have known pamela to always BE who she is- passion personified. everything she has ever taken on, she has done so with 100% attention. including unsticking my head out of a locker and chasing away the bullies that put my head there. you see, this is how i met pam when we were early teens. that, in itself, was an amazing performance art piece! from that simple act, i gained the confidence to carry on.
without pamela’s dedication to our projects, the House of Glamma would, indeed, be a shack. her commitment to everything creative is infectious!
Great piece about a great woman, Jane!
Neil August 11th, 2008 at 10:24 am #
For all your strength, Pamela, I’m glad that you finally found the ability to turn to others in your social and career worlds. I think it is a strength to know that you don’t always have to carry everything on your own shoulders.
kris August 11th, 2008 at 12:19 pm #
mmm…i could sum up in one word: POWERHOUSE
linda woods August 11th, 2008 at 12:27 pm #
Obviously, Pam doesn’t let little things like pain and suffering defeat her! I am honored to know Pam. Her attention to detail, artistic eye, skill, humor and true talkin’ ways have made my life so much better.
Thanks for another great article, Jane!
Stefan August 11th, 2008 at 11:05 pm #
I nearly missed this opportunity to comment. I am very proud to say that Pammy is my friend. We live on different sides of the planet and in different time zones, but this lady means a LOT to me. I’ve had the pleasure of chatting to her a few times over the telephone, and I consider her to be a remarkable beacon of love!
Thank you for this beautiful article.
Stéfan
Nancy Hennen August 12th, 2008 at 8:28 pm #
Pamela’s writing is off the chain!! She inspires us all to take the time to think deeper.. longer.. more often. And the fact that she not only responds to your comments on her site; but also replies and becomes engaged in your thoughts? It’s an amazing feat, for sure! I’m a huge fan!
Pamela August 13th, 2008 at 8:39 am #
I must say, I am quite moved as I read all the lovely comments people are leaving about me. WOW!
I was honored to be contacted by Jane for this series about passionate women, and am, for a change, speechless, at the kindness you’ve all shown me. I extend a BIG thank you to each and every one of you for your time and your words.
Warmest regards,
Pammy
Brenda August 13th, 2008 at 4:10 pm #
Jane Devin, thank-you for writing this article about Pamela. I got to find out more wonderful information about a wonderful person. Thank-you Pam for your kindness.
Cindy August 14th, 2008 at 1:11 pm #
I am the newest ‘rescue’ to be taken under Pammy’s wing..I am grateful. She is a wonderfully inspiring individual. I know her to be honest, open to discuss pretty much anything under the sun, and always with a major dose of comedic wit! She’s definitely a woman to admire. Thank you, Jane, for bringing Pammy’s story to the edge of where we all stand.
Renegade Ray August 14th, 2008 at 2:14 pm #
All I can say is Pam, your light shines bright and touches all of us. Your words and photos dazzle and amaze us. I(we) are so happy to have hooked up with you and are proud and honored to call you friend. Pam like Connie you are a true WARRIOR which inspires all of us to fight and overcome obstacles in our lives.
xo Ray