July 21st, 2008
UPDATE 7/27: AND THE WINNER IS JEANNE! JEANNE, PLEASE CONTACT ME AT THE EMAIL ADDRESS IN THE ABOUT SECTION WITH YOUR CHOICE OF TOPIC! THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO RESPONDED!
Never mind that last post. Who am I kidding? Charles Bukowski got laid more in one year than I have in a lifetime. I’d have to drink a whole lot more, and have a whole lot more drunk friends, to achieve his studly status — and I’d have to have the time to crank out hundreds more stories, and find some mainstream place that would publish them.
So forget Bukowski. Forget bureaucracy, hypocrisy, and small-minded, mentally drunk people.
What I really want to know is who are you? Who are you, Mac user from Oakland? Telus subscriber from Salmon Arm, BC? Occasional reader from Captain Cook, Hawaii? West New York, NJ? Odessa, Ukraine? Pohang, Korea? Spanaway, WA? Providence, RI?
Every once in awhile I check my stats. I get to see all the interesting cities, countries, and provinces that visited, but since only a few people comment, most remain invisible. Which makes me feel — I don’t know — like ours is a one-sided relationship. I mean, you know pretty much everything about me, from the trivia of my coffee obsession to the passion of my causes — I even showed you my working man hands & told you who I’m crushing on — don’t you think it would be nice if just once you pushed the comment button and said something like,
Dear Jane, it was an accident. I was trying to find porn pics of dreadlock girls.
Dear Jane, I wanted something I could copy for Comp. 101. I was disappointed.
Dear Jane, I can’t stop stalking all things Anna Nicole.
Dear Jane, I was looking for the Verne Troyer sex tape.
I’m fascinated by my two readers from Chicago, IL who never comment, and my one faithful reader from Alton, New Hampshire. I’m also curious about my visitors from Murfreesboro, Tennessee or Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina.
Since nothing I’ve written to date has compelled the lurkers to respond, I’ve come up with a contest. Comment here, and tell me something, anything:
Dear Jane, I only come for the wit of your regular commenters.
Dear Jane, your run-on sentences hurt my eyes.
Dear Jane, I just came to find out what V-Grrrl or Linda sees in you.
And I will pick a random winner and write an article just for you. About anything that won’t get me stalked by the FBI or kicked off the internet. A story featuring an out of work Starbucks employee and a Mormon missionary? Done. A love letter to Barack Obama? Oh, yeah. An ode to black socks and Bermuda shorts? So do-able.
And since I don’t want to exclude my regular posters, whose visits here make having this blog totally worthwhile, all you have to do to enter is tell me about your favorite pair of shoes. Espadrilles? Adidas? A pair of zebra print platforms you owned in the 70’s? See how easy I’m making this for you?
The winner will be chosen Sunday, July 27th. So start thinking about the best way to torture me with a writing request — and in the meantime introduce yourself, or tell me about your favorite pair of shoes!