Comments on: A Pauper’s Tale

By: Kelly Weist

Kelly Weist — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 03:19:01 +0000

This blog was so beautifully written. Just had to say so.

By: V-Grrrl

V-Grrrl — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 15:49:13 +0000

The work of adulthood is coming to terms with our parents. Mine were solid and dependable and repressed by each other. I grew up in a small crowded house in an even smaller world dominated by a Catholic theology that glorified suffering and sacrifice and vilified anyone who dared to say what they really wanted. Stifling, yes, but I never doubted they loved me, I always knew where I came from and I always had a place to come home too in body and spirit. Stories like yours remind me what an enormous gift that is…

By: Anne

Anne — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 15:41:38 +0000

My mom attended Mamie High, too. I kept waiting for us to have a good relationship, for us to be close. To have real feelings between us…I waited until she died I think.

She was cold and self-centered and focused on being beautiful and on her husband–my dad–who was abusive to us but never struck her. As a mother of two, I can’t imagine standing by and watching him throw us against the wall and knock us unconscious. I can still see her, in skirt and pearls, out the corner of by eye, asking my dad to stop, but standing far away, taking herself out of harm’s way. Strange.

My mom was a product of the depression, was probably was abused herself, was afraid if she left that she and her kids would be poor. And we weren’ t poor. So maybe your mom, Jane, had similar secrets and untold stories and that generation of women were taught to keep silent . Like my mother, it sounds like her spirit was broken and she tried to break yours–you may have reminded her of when she was young & beautiful &full of dreams, and it may have been painful for her. Not an excuse, but an explanation.

As a result of her lack of concern for me, I took note and made sure my kids would be held, protected, enjoyed. I was kind and gentle with my kids, my singular accomplishment that isn’t resume-worthy or a particular marvel, except it makes me like myself. I sense you were gentle as well with your kids. No small accomplishment when you’re raised with cruelty.

By: freida

freida — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:20:26 +0000

John R is incredibly wise.

By: John R

John R — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 13:49:01 +0000

Jane, I’m just guessing here … but it sounds like MJ graduated from a little school of dysfunction that I like to call ‘Mamie Eisenhower High’. Like many women of her generation she probably didn’t feel that she had many options or power …. so try to look pretty and work on finding a good man. In the meantime, don’t take responsibility for your feelings, and don’t ever ask for what you want … rely on others to figure it out. Someone else will fix it.

Unfortunately, our society is full of these archetypes:

status parents who are so busy attaining things that they treat their children like posessions.

self -centered parents who are very busy exporing themselves, and raising free-spirited kids (i.e.- left to fend for themselves with little or no consequences).

…old school dads, hover parents, control freaks, shamebasers, fairytale parents, dead beats, absentees, and let’s not leave out those religous fanatics … we are indeed a product of our times. I wonder DAILY what kind of parent I am becoming and how many years of therapy it will take my kids to overcome the damage I do.

The flip side: I believe that we all manifest the type of family we are born into in order to work through the necessary issues.

You’ve become the awesome woman that you are today in part because of the challenges MJ presented to you. Did it suck? … yes. Are you better because of it? … most likely. Will you ever be like her? ….. NO FREAKIN WAY! To quote Martha Stewart … ‘And that’s a good thing!”

just my 2 cents worth!