Comments on: The Forgiveness Trap

By: maryst

maryst — Thu, 31 May 2007 13:55:24 +0000

Jane, thank you so much for this article, I don’t know why it took me so long to find it. I now understand it is best for my husband to not talk to his mom. I use to encourage it but he was stead fast in his belief it is not best. I never understood but now I do. He tried to work it out but she is not willing to acknowledge she did any thing wrong. She has the mind set to honor you parents not matter what they do to you. He is smart enough to realize he is not going against the will of God by simply choosing to live his life in peace and to do so he must leave her out of it. He is not dishonoring her just surviving. Thank you, today you made a difference in this women’s life.

By: JIMI BRASHER

JIMI BRASHER — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 16:53:43 +0000

DEAR Y, THE PAIN THAT YOU CARRY IS THE VERY PAIN THAT WILL SET YOU FREE. YOUR IN PAIN, THE OLD LADY IS IN DENIAL. THIS WAS NOT ABOUT YOU. IT WAS ABOUT HER… SHE INFLICTED THIS UPON YOU,AND NOW, YOU OWN IT. YOU ARE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY..CREATED IN GOD’S IMAGE…I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER ONE THING… YOU ARE NEVER ALONE..NOT EVEN IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR.. YOU FEEL RAGE, GUILT AND RESENTMENT… THIS IS ALL NORMAL.. AS ALL ABUSE CHILDREN… WE FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO US… THAT ,IN ITS SELF, IS A GREAT BURDEN. PLEASE.. IF YOU DON’T DO ANY THING ELSE, START SPEAKING OUT ABOUT THIS… OPEN UP AND TELL YOUR THERAPIST, YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR CHILDREN… JOURNALING IS VERY HELPFUL.. AND YOU HAVE US.. I GRIEVE FOR YOU!!! GOD BLESS YOU J. .

By: Jane Devin

Jane Devin — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 10:10:09 +0000

Y, your note illustrates the sadness and despair that may happen when someone has kept a toxic relationship in their life. When a relationship makes us feel so badly, but we keep it out of loyalty, or because its family, or because “that all happened in the past” — we keep ourselves locked in whatever pain that relationship brought us.

The only way a relationship can really be detoxified is when both people see that it needs healing, and both love each other enough to want that, and are brave enough to work through the healing process.

When, for whatever reason, that isn’t possible, we can only work on ourselves. Sometimes that means taking a break from that person until we’re strong enough to deal with them and our own emotions regarding them, and sometimes it means making a permanent break.

I’m sorry that this wall of pain exists between you and your mom, and that her age may make it almost impossible to come to a mutual healing. I’m glad that you have people in your life who love you, and I hope you’ll lean on them during this difficult time, and seek some counseling for your feelings of depression and guilt. You deserve better than what you’re presently feeling.

By: Y

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 04:33:52 +0000

I’m 49, she is 82. She is a lonely old woman now. I talk to her but don’t want to. Sometimes I wish that I had Tracy’s bravery like with the knife. But it would hurt the ones that love me. I can’t do that to them.

By: Rebecca D

Rebecca D — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 08:24:01 +0000

Jane you did it again! You have such a wonderful way of explaining lifes questions. I have read many books by Andrew Vacchss and most were chilling to say the least. He puts things into perspective like you do.

Just wanted to drop by and say “Thank You” for your website and all the information you have provided!!

By: My mothers daughter

My mothers daughter — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 22:30:56 +0000

Jane, my friend, you have once again astounded me with your writing and I couldn’t agree with you more.

I am so totally speechless that it is going to be several more readings and time spent thinking before I can even contemplate writing a worth while post……………….